Fairy Tale Blank, Part 30 and Epilogue

Gold lights shimmered and flowed around the entire Palace. Stone became flesh as former statues moved and breathed for the first time in months. Crimson roses and orange marigolds in the courtyard garden burst into bloom around the well. Light filled in the demon-shaped holes in the ballroom wall until they looked brand-new and repaired the broken ceiling. Soft green moss covered broken stone; ivy grew over cracked walls. People stumbled out of the ballroom, limbs stiff and cramped from being trapped in granite.

Trolls grunted as gold lights surrounded them, too. It swallowed them up in their brilliance, revealing tired, sagging men in ragged orange and blue cloaks when they subsided. Three women from the crowd rushed into the arms of the trio of wizards, who gratefully fell into their wives' embrace. Trolls who didn't turn into men became butterflies and ladybugs.

Sir Convy helped Sir Olsen stumble down the steps. The smaller man made a face and rubbed his leg where Malade's tail knocked him over. Gary lead Sarah into the moonlight, followed by a very human Orson in a worn huntsman's tunic and stretched hose and Clifton, blinking in the light of the flickering torches. Victoria and Meredith kept their shaking mother from collapsing into a pile on the ground. Pretty Alma Mae ran straight into Fanny's arms.

“Girls!” Debralee happily threw her arms around her friends as the lights restored them to their smaller forms. “You're back! Oh, thank the heavens!” The three fairies squeezed each other as hard as they could, squealing with delight.

“Dick?” The red-headed Brittanica noblewoman rushed into the arms of one of the former trolls, who wore a tattered jacket of nut-brown silk. “Oh Dick, you're all right!”
He grinned. “Yeah, Dolly, I'm definitely better. Looks like we picked a hell of a party to crash, huh?”
She giggled, nudging his arm. “Oh, you're incorrigible!”

“So incorrage me!” He chuckled at his own bad joke.

“Charles!” Sir Gautier laughed heartily as he and Sir Walden became human again. “I can stand upright! I'm handsome again!” He gave Charles a tight hug that nearly took his breath away.

“As much as he was to begin with.” Sir Walden laughed and put a hand on Charles' shoulder. “Hello, Master Charles. It's nice to see you again. I haven't really been able to talk to you since you were my teacher, years ago.”

Charles gasped, barely able to shake his hand. “Nice to see you too, Bob!”

“Mom,” Adam asked softly, “where's Dad?”

She frowned. “I don't think just the spell breaking will turn him back. I had to kiss him.”

“I can help there.” Gene waved his wand. Gold light twinkled faintly around a pedestal in the marigolds. When it subsided, the statue of the craggy-faced man appeared. “Here you go, Brett. Your husband, delivered right to your doorstep, so to speak.”

Brett gave him a faint smile. “Thanks, Gene.” No sooner had she kissed his gravel-covered lips than the gold light penetrated him, too. When it vanished, he almost stumbled over her, gazing at her and his old carpenter's tunic and hose with bleary eyes.

“What the hell happened? Where am I? Where's that witch? I never got to really tell her what I thought about her!” He frowned as he squinted at the outline of his wife in the darkness. “Brett? How did you get here? I heard Malade the Merciless bragging about sending you off to be killed. And why the hell didn't you get here sooner? I've been standing here for almost a month!”

“Hello, honey,” Brett muttered cooly. “How are you? Glad to see you again. Now, could you thank me for saving your rear end?”

“Saving my rear end?” Jack growled. “Maybe you should have tried doing it a little sooner! I think my rear end is permanently numb from being made of rock for a month!”

His wife smirked. “I always knew you were a hard ass, baby.”

Betty gazed at the mingling of happy and surprised faces around her. “This may be the happiest party we ever held, and it's not over yet. Right, dear?”

“Hmm?” He finally dislodged his lips from her shoulders, turning as red as the roses rustling in the breeze on the wall behind them. “Oh, uh, well, yes. There's a lot to explain here.” He waved his hands to the many torches bobbing in the dark. “Citizens of Nerdocrumbesia, and those from far away, yes, I am alive. As of this second, every unfair tax, rule, and edict set up by the previous ruler of this country.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Charles noticed Ira trying to sneak out of the door, hiding in his damp velvet cloak. “Wait just a minute there, Sheriff Skutch.” Allen grabbed him by his collar. “I need to have a word or eight with you.”

“I was, uh, just trying to leave, Your Majesty,” he explained too quickly. “As you can see,” he held out his sodden finery, “I accidentally, er, tripped into the moat and took a bath. I need to dry out, before I catch my death of cold...”

“Nice try, Ira!” Sir Dick Gautier rumbled as he blocked the skinny lawman's way. “You're not going anywhere. You're the one who turned Bob and me over to Queen Malade!”

Richard stepped next to him. “And you willingly aided her in overtaxing and stealing from the people of this country.”

“And,” Marcia added in annoyance, “you repeatedly made brazen overtures at me when I told you sixty times I wasn't interested!”

“Yeah!” Prince Bill yelled from her side. “I told you,” he snapped, “she's my date!”

“Who are you?” Ira squinted. “You seem familiar.”

He made a face. “I'm the guy you petted and called a good boy back in the bookshop.”

The Sheriff's eyes widened. “The wolf? But..but...” He finally threw his arms up in frustration. “Ok, 

Your Majesty, put me under arrest! At least get me away from all this magic mumbo-jumbo. I was only trying to save my bacon. If I didn't go along with Malade, she would have turned me into a troll, too. As for him,” he quickly reached for Richard's hood, “this man has stolen money from just about every noble in this kingdom at one time or another for the past two years, Your Royalnesses!”

Most of the crowd gasped as he yanked the hood off, revealing the the dark-haried nobleman. “Sir Richard Dawson, formerly of Hogan Manor. Should have known. I thought you and your servants died swimming the river the night you ran out on me.”

“We only made you think we died.” Orson crossed his arms, glaring at him.'

Richard put up a hand before Orson could speak further. “Ira, you and that witch Malade took everything I had in the world when she murdered my father. We had no choice. You accepted stolen property from your boss. Hogan Manor belongs to me and my sons.”

“I had to! She would have killed me if I hadn't!” Ira fell on his knees before the king and queen. “Your Majesties, please. Honest. I never meant for things to get that far! Just give me a chance.”

Allen sighed. “Ira, I'm sorry. You conspired with Malade against the crown. Most people call that 'treason.' We'll see what a jury of your peers say, but I'm afraid you're likely going to have to do at least ten years at the jail in Holly Woods.” He nodded at Sir Gauitier. “Dick, would you and your men take him to the basement? We'll send him along to the jail house in the morning.”

Dick grabbed Ira by the back of his cape, his wide white grin gleaming and nearly feral in the 

moonlight. “My pleasure, Your Majesty.” He and Robert dragged Ira off before he could protest further.

“Now,” Allen continued, “what to do about you, Sir Dawson. You did break the law, even you did it with good intentions.”

“Your Royalness,” Nipsey started, stepping next to Richard, “you arrest him, you arrest all of us. He gave us jobs, something to work for. I didn't have a job or nothin' when I joined this group.”

Orson joined him. “Me either. We're all equally to blame.”

“That's right,” Bobby continued, reluctantly letting Elaine's hand go. “Take me, too.”

“And me!” Gary bounced up next to him. “They took me in after Malade broke up the Apothecary Division. I had nowhere else to go.”

“And they helped me and my granny,” Sarah explained when she joined him.

“And us!” Donald waved from the fountains. “They took me in and helped me save my mer-girl here.”
“I wouldn't be here if this human and the former dog,” Patti added, nudging Donald playfully, “hadn't dug me out of the sand.”

Elaine smiled at Bobby and squeezed his hand. “Master Van and two of the others rescued me from that horrible tower in the woods!”

“And,” added Della, taking Nipsey's hand, “they helped prove I was whom I claimed to be.”

“We're to blame, too,” Arlene told him as she and Soupy stepped out of the crowds. “We knowingly accepted stolen money and helped them get into the ball.”

“Us too.” Charles nodded at himself and Brett. “He gave me a job after Ira turned me away here, and we saved Brett on the road.”

Brett sighed. “And I saved them from my stepmother. Look, Allen, they meant well. It's not like most of the nobles around here can't spare the cash. Why don't you just let him off with a warning?”

“Please!” Lee begged, squeezing Richard's arm. “Your Majesties, I'd...like to get to know him better. I want to meet his boys. I can't do that if he's in jail with Ira.”

Allen grinned. “And I wouldn't want anyone to be in jail with Ira. No, Richard, I'm not going to arrest you. Not now, anyway. We need a new Sheriff of Nerdocrumbesia. How about it? You can work from Hogan Manor, which is yours for as long as you want it. Betty and I have children. We'll help care for your boys.”

“I accept your offer, Your Majesty,” Richard told him with a bow. “After all,” his own smile widened as Lee gazed hopefully into his eyes, “we may have to ready Hogan Manor for its new mistress.”

“However,” Allen went on, shaking a finger in his face, “if I ever catch you, or any of you, doing anything worse than passing through or having a picnic in Sherwood Forest again, you're all going to end up in jail. Got that?”

Richard nodded, grinning and bowing. “Got that, Your Majesty.”

“Now,” Allen went on, “for the rest of you. I want to talk to my wizards first.”

“Your Majesty,” Sir Jack Narz began as the wizards stepped up to him, “let me explain what happened, at least to the best of my ability. My brother and colleagues and I don't remember a lot of this.” He sighed. “Tom and I were on the front lines when Malade attacked.”

Tom, the taller man with the glasses and wavy white-gray hair, made a face. “We couldn't handle her magic, even together. She had iron cuffs put on our wrists and tossed us in the basement, then ran her hands all over me. I said 'no,' but she kept pushing on me...and made sure Jack could see it all.”

“I pushed her off,” Sir Jack went on. “Told her to get her hands off my brother. He's married. That's when she threw that black light of hers on us...and I don't remember much else.”

Tom frowned. “I don't either, until I ended up staring Gene's sword in the face.”

“I remember even less.” Peter rubbed the back of his head. “I was there with my squadron. Some giant hunt of meat slammed me over the head, and I don't remember anything else until I woke up on the ground and feeling like I'd just had six really bad hangovers at once.”

“She drained your magic,” Jack explained. “Ours, too. Drained it, burned our wands, and that's all we know.”

Allen frowned. “Gene...after she threw me in the dungeon, she told me you and Bert were her willing servants. She boasted about having all of you under her thumb.”

“It was an act.” Bert shook his head, holding Meredith's hand. “I joined the Underground. Lee and I passed information to Fannie's father, and then to her after he died, and she passed it to us.”

“Gene and Bert and I talked about what to do after you vanished,” Bill continued. “I thought it was for the best if I left. I'm not as strong physically as the others. Gene, Johnny, and Bert stayed to learn more about the Legendary Princesses and help the Underground.”

“And speaking of,” Betty nudged her husband, “don't we have a few legends to talk to?”

Marcia shook her head. “Not me. I'm no legend. I'm not really into all this court business. I'm better off back in the country, where there's fewer witches around.”

“Yeah,” Bill added. Turning red, he slipped his hand into Marcia's. “I just want to go home...and I want her to come with me. Someone's gotta help me take care of the magic roses in the Summer-Winter Garden.”

“It must be love,” she added with a smirk. “That's the least I've ever heard him say!”

Cullen sighed and nodded. “And I'll drive them back. I'm retiring. I want to return to my bookshop in Villenveuve. I enjoyed running that shop.”

“Your Majesties, we're not staying, either.” Della patted Nipsey's hand. “We promised Queen Isobel we'd be home in time to celebrate Malade's demise.”

Clifton grinned as he joined the others, three familiar lights fluttering around him. “I volunteered take these lovely ladies home and play for their people. Never had a gig playing for fairies.” He grinned when the green fairy stopped and fluttered by his cheek. “Could be a lot of fun.”

“Fannie?” Ethel roared, pushing and shoving her way through the crowd. “What are you doing here? I told you to stay home! Get back to the kitchen this instant!” She turned to the amused royal couple and switched on the closest she could get to a charming smile. “Your Majesties,” she began, bowing, “I'm so sorry about my stepdaughter! She's...a leftover from a previous marriage. Just an imaginative child. My daughters and I will take her home right away...”

“But I don't want to go home, Mother!” Meredith whined as Sir Convy kissed her hand. “I like it here! Everything is so beautiful and elegant.” She turned pink as her poofy gown when the dashing wizard nibbled down her arm. “And everyone.”

Victoria turned to Allen. “Your Majesty, I'm studyin' music, or I was before Malade invaded. Do you need a court singer? I got friends who were studying with me who are great singers and performers, too. I guess you could say we were like a troupe. We could perform at your balls and in Televisia City.”

The snow-haired king gave her a grin. “I know who you speak of, Victoria. Lady Carol is a good friend of ours. I'm very fond of her work. She – and you – will always have a place here.”

Betty took Fannie's hands. “As for you, we'd like to hire you. Your magic is incredible. I don't care what you are. I want you to take over your Daddy's enterprises, including running our Secret Service. Malade's not the only magician with evil magic around.”

Fannie curtsied as Alma Mae took her arm. “We accept, Your Majesties. On one condition. I want you to fix up my Daddy's home. The manor's falling apart.” She grinned at Alma. “We'll need a summer home when court life gets to be too much.”

“What about me?” Ethel wailed. “I'm out servants!”

“How about you work for a living?” Arlene smirked. “I could use someone big and tough and loud to help me in the shop, since it looks like Fannie will be busy at the Palace. Half of Holly Woods could probably hear you announce my daily specials! I could even teach you some useful magic.” She bowed before the king and queen. “It's nice to see you again, Betty. I've missed you.”

“I've missed you too, Arlene.” The queen took her hand. “You're back on as our private physician, of course. You and Soupy are the best miracle workers in the kingdom.” She nodded at Gary and Sarah. “And I'll restore the Apothecary Division. We'll send you out to the Sherwood Forest borders starting next week, as soon as we can round up everybody.”

“What about us?” Donald called from the fountain. He sat on the edge, his arm around Patti. “I want to be with her, and she's gotta thing for me, but I don't have fins.”

“We could help there.” Gene joined them, followed by the other wizards. “If we put our magic together, we might be able to turn Patti back into a human.”

“Thanks, Your Wizard-ness, but no thanks.” Patti made a face. “I wanna go home. I just wish I could take him with me.”

Donald gave her waist a squeeze. “I'd love to see your home, dear. Maybe even meet your mother. Someday.”

“Well,” Bert started, “in that case...” He whispered into Gene's ear. The seven men gathered in a huddle, putting their wands together. Soft silver light rose from the wands, settling on Donald's legs. Silver light surrounded them as he moaned and gasped and Patti watched wide-eyed. When the light subsided, Donald's legs were now yellow fish-tails with magenta fins, the color of his outfit.

Richard frowned. “Are you all right, Donald? How do you feel?”

“My fins are sore.” Donald rubbed his fin, but his eyes were on Patti. “But my lady here will help me get used to them.”

“Donald, as soon as we finish here,” Richard insisted, “we'll take you two back to Andersen Bay, so you can get used to your new home.” He chuckled. “But we will miss you, friend.”

Orson grinned. “Won't be the same around here without you making bad jokes and blowing smoke in everyone's ears.”

Donald grinned and stuffed his last cigar in his mouth. “Aw, go on. You guys sure now how to make a merman feel all like mushy seaweed.”

“As for us,” Gene continued, “Helen's going to stay here to help Betty get everything together, and I'm going to continue searching for more of the kingdom's legendary magicians.”

“This is our home. Our daughter is in Holly Woods, announcing the return of the king and queen to the residents.” Helen grinned up at her husband. “Even if he has to leave me for a while, that doesn't mean I love him any less.”

“Hey, Your Majesties, that leaves us.” Jack waved a hand. “Yeah, think we ought to get to findin' some little castle of our own, too.”

“Speak for yourself.” Brett made a face. “You gambled away our last one! Did you really think playing poker with my stepmother was a good idea? She blew our home to kingdom come after that!”

Jack rolled his eyes. “I can't read minds, Brett! How was I supposed to know she had two queens up her sleeve and could make more appear?”

“Mooom, Daddddd,” Adam complained, “come on, don't fight!”

Betty sighed. “You two are welcome to stay here until you're able to find a home, but please, don't tear each other apart! Or us, for that matter. Why don't you focus on the gardens? I saw what Malade did to them when I was outside with my ball. It'll give you something to do and get out of each other's hair.”

“Oh,” Brett grumbled, “all right. But only until we find a place.” She glared at Jack. “And you're going to help. I want to see you doing something besides gambling our fortune away!”
“What about you?” He complained. “Drinking all of my money...”

Charles cleared his throat. “Um, could I get a word in edgewise here?” He stepped up to the queen and king. “Your Majesties,” he bowed low, “I think it's time I hit the road. I'm a traveling minstrel. I got my gig. All I ask is to be paid for my services, and then I'll be on my way.”

“Don't leave so fast, Charles.” Brett put a hand on his shoulder. “We need you here. I know we fight, but I'd miss you if you were gone.”

“Please don't leave, Master Charles!” Gary begged. “Brett and I can't do this all alone.”

“Nor can I.” Richard's warm smile made Charles' heart flutter. “You may not have the skills or the mind of a warrior, Charlie, but you have the heart of one. You were the one who saved us and rallied us together in the end.” He gave Charles a kiss on his increasingly reddening cheek.

Orson's hearty slap on his back nearly sent him to the ground. “I'm sure we could find you some really good-lookin' guys around somewhere to play for.”

“Please, Charles.” Betty patted his shoulder. “Allen and I would miss you. You're our kingdom's champion, after all.”

“Well,” he drawled, rolling his shoulders in a heavy theatrical shrug. “All right. Why not? I'm tired of traveling, and Cornelius could use the rest. Besides,” his lips widened in a grin, “I almost like you guys, too.”

“Here, man.” Clifton handed him his lute. “You can have this. I can get another. Music man gonna need somethin' to accompany him.”

“Thanks, Cliff,” he smiled and pushed it back, “but no thanks. I think my singing is just fine without it.”

He grinned as the fairies bobbed behind him. “Thanks, man! You're somethin' else!”

“I hope it's something good!”

Brett put an arm around him. “You know, you whine too much, your wig is terrible, you can't hold a sword to save your or our lives, and you're STILL not wearing socks!” She gave him a hug. “But it's so good to have you home!”

“Thanks, Brett.” His smile as everyone “awwwed” was sweet and genuine. “It feels good to be home.”

The entire kingdom went up in a massive cheer that nearly deafened Charles, cheering him on and calling out their names. They sounded a lot like their audiences in the studio, he thought as he yawned a bit.

“Charles?” Brett's voice broke into his reverie as she shook his shoulder. “Charles, we're about to begin! The camera lights are on. Charles!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Wha?” Charles muttered blearily. His cheek showed lines from where he'd fallen asleep on the book. “Oh,” he grumbled as he swatted Brett away, “it's you. Great thing to wake up to. How much vodka did you drink? They can probably smell it in the audience.”

Brett, now looking more like his regular friend, made a face. “Charles, I'm fine. Never felt better.” She nodded at a slender woman with almond-shaped eyes, sleek black hair pulled back with red clips, and a tight brick read v-necked blouse. “Get a load of the new kid down there. I swear, I've seen that girl somewhere before. Gene's already been all over her.”

Charles' eyes widened. She looked just like the witch from his dream...only a lot more pleasant, with her wide white smile. “Hey there!” She waggled her lacquered fingernails, her voice a pleasant British contralto. “I'm an old friend of Richard's. They thought I'd add a little...oomph...to the show.”

Brett raised an eyebrow. “Looks like you're adding a lot of oomph to me. Probably not much else, though.”

“I beg your pardon?” Joan glared at her.

“Ladies, please.” Charles fussed. “Joan, you...remind me of someone. Someone I saw recently. Really recently, as a matter of fact. Have you ever played a witch?”

“Well,” the slender woman chuckled, “I've heard a similar word used for many of my characters.”

“Joan!” Richard settled down in his seat. “Glad to see you. You're a sight for sore eyes. Ira's just making me sore.” He sighed. “Someday, I'll have my own show. Then I'll be able to tell gits like him exactly what I think of them!”

“Yes,” added Brett with a smirk, “and won't that be something? Bet you'll get a kiss from every female contestant on the show!”

“You're just jealous.” Richard smirked back. “Your relationship with Jack is stone-cold. I've been pretty hot with some very lovely ladies.”

“Hi, everyone.” Patti Deustch quickly slid in on Richard's other side. “Sorry I'm almost late. Donald and I took our son Max to the aquarium. He was disappointed there were no mermaids there.”

“But there's one here,” Charles muttered as he opened the book.

“What's that up there?” Joan asked, nodding at the book.

“Oh, just a book of fairy tales,” Charles admitted. “Thought it might be good for a gag in the beginning.”

Joan grinned. “Funny you should ask me about witches. I always loved a story with a good, delicious villain. They get the best parts.”

“I'd still rather sleep for a hundred years,” Brett grumbled with a yawn.

Ira ducked past them. “Ok, everyone, you're on in two seconds! Charles, lose the book. The show's about to start!”

Charles quickly shoved the book under his desk right before the camera and the spinning orange box turned on him. Maybe I'm not as dashing as Richard, he thought as he picked up a bundle of blue papers and held them like they were playing cards, but I can help people win money, too. And for these folks, that may be all the heroics they'll ever need.