Tales of the Gold Wookie, Part 12

Three days later, Leia found herself sitting with Luke, Clarence, Artie, Yoda, and their equipment in the back of a rickety old truck that looked like it had last been driven sometime in 1919. The owner, a Spanish man who was almost older than Yoda and his truck, swore it was trustworthy. It was so trustworthy, Harry took twenty minutes fixing the engine to get it to work and had to give it sharp kicks twice when it got stuck in ditches along the mud-clogged roads. Sharp shrieks and small eyes followed them as they bumped down the road.

There wasn't much chance to talk as they bumped along the rutted mud that the Guatmalans called a road. She was just plain tired. They'd switched trains at the border of California and Mexico, and then at Mexico City. They'd had to abandon the train all together at Guatemala City. It didn't go anywhere near their dig site. She wouldn't have paid such an outrageous amount that old man, but she was in a hurry. She didn't want to even imagine what Vader and Palpatine were doing to the Alderaanian temples.

“Everyone in their uniforms?” Harry pulled his Coruscant officer's cap low over his eyes as he pulled in at the gate around the temple site. It was guarded by Coruscant guards in gray and white. Admiral Piett himself stood attention at the gate's booth.

“Now we find out if these uniforms are worth the price we paid,” Leia grumbled as she tucked her hair under another stiff gray military hat.

Harry tried to give her one of his usual half-grins, but it was strained. “It'll work.”

Luke gulped and turned pale under his cap when he saw the flutter of a long black coat. “Vader's out there.”

“Don't get jittery, kid.” Harry turned towards the gate. “There's a lot of guys who wear long jackets.”

Clarence raised an eyebrow as he mopped his neck in his heavy gray blazer. “In this heat? He'd roast to death before he could unearth more than a few pebbles!”

“Leia and I are endangering everything,” Luke moaned. “Maybe I should have come. Leia can avoid them, stay at her dig. Miss Tano could have sent someone else...”

“Worry you should not,” Yoda assured him. He was under a blanket, since they couldn't find a suit that close to fit him. “Get past them, we will.”

Charel's uniform barely fit him. In fact, one of the buttons popped off and almost took out Harry's eye as he turned to ask him a long question. “Careful, buddy. And keep your distance from Vader, but don't look like you're keeping your distance.” He made a face at his co-pilot's stream of worried Russian. “I don't know! Drive casual!”

“Sir,” Piett asked Harry as he pulled up to the gate. “What are you carrying in this...vehicle?”

“Parts and equipment for the dig at the Temple of the Guardians.” Harry tried to give him a winning smile. He handed him the entrance papers and hoped that he hadn't gotten too good of a look at him back in Coruscant.

Vader stepped up to the booth. Luke turned stark white; Leia's breath quickened. “Piett, do they have the code clearance?”

“It's an older code, but it checks out. I was about to clear them.”

“I shouldn't be here,” Luke choked under his breath. “Leia shouldn't be here. They're going to catch us.” His sister kicked his shin lightly. His panic attack was not only not going to help anybody, but would give them away.

Piett finally nodded. “Looks like everything's in order. Carry on.”

Harry saluted them. “Yes, sir!” He grinned at the others as the truck pulled through. “See? I told you we could do it!”

Leia had her own doubts, but not about the expedition. If anything, she was more determined than ever to find the final sword and stick it to Vader, preferably somewhere personal. She was worried about her brother. Luke had been shaking like a leaf ever since they'd gone through the gate. He did seem to calm down a bit as they drove through the camp and up into the mountains and through the jungles, even with the occasional howl from the trees.

“We're going to have to get off here.” Harry finally pulled over by the edge of a gorge mostly surrounded by dense jungle. “We're not going to get much further in this old thing.” He kicked the tire as the engine started to smoke. He and Charel leaned in the hood, trying to figure out what went wrong.

“I think everyone can ditch the uniforms.” Leia pulled off her jacket. “For one thing, it's too hot for them.”

Artie had already divested himself of his jacket and tie and had rolled up his shirtsleeves. “I think it's pretty here. I can see why the Alderaanians would want to make this their home base.” He ran to the edge of the gorge, taking in the sweeping views. “This is amazing! You can see everything! The Temples, the Imperial camp, even some of the city...”

Clarence joined him briefly at the edge, only to reel back. “How can you stand so close? It makes one dizzy.”

“You're such a baby.” The shorter man took a deep sniff. “Smell that air! There's real earth in that.”

Clarence took a deep sniff and coughed heavily. “All I smell is mildew and slightly rotten vegetation.”

“We'll set up camp here.” Harry took one last whack at the wheels with his heavily booted toe. “Not that we have a choice. This thing won't be going anywhere for a few centuries. We'll have to walk back to the Temples.”

“And go right through the Imperials?” Leia made a face. “There must be another way.”

Luke shivered. “I don't like this. I think we're being watched.”

Harry was helping Charel to pull out the tents. “We're in the jungle. There's a lot of things watching us around here.” He winced at yet another noisy howl. “Not to mention whatever's been yellin' ever since we came.”

“Guys!” Artie waved his hands. “Over here!” He frowned as the bushes nearby rustled. “I think we've been spotted.”

“Oh no.” Leia ducked down behind a tree as five of Vader's men on motorcycles roared into the next clearing. She'd recognize those white jackets and dark helmets anywhere. “How are we going to get rid of them?”

Harry nodded at the bushes. “We'll take care of this. Char and I have gotten out of worse scrapes.” Charel added his own Russian affirmation.

“Quietly, you two!” Luke scolded. “There might be more of them.”

Harry gave them the famous half-grin. “Hey, it's me.”

Yoda shook his head as they tip-toed towards the goons. “Egotistical, they are. In trouble, they will be. Known for stealth, they are not.”

Artie snorted. “No kidding, old man.”

They were, of course, right. Harry went two steps before a twig cracked underfoot. One of the men slammed him across the chin before he could move. Charel managed to take out another with his big rifle, but the remaining three took off on their cycles.

“Leia!” She ignored her brother's worried bleating and leaped onto a motorcycle. “At least let me go with you.” His slender and warm frame settled behind her. “Do you even know how to drive one of these things?”

His sister shrugged. “How hard could it be to figure it out?”

They dodged through the jungle, riding around trees and over logs. Leia managed to shoot one man off his cycle, giving Luke the chance to take the vehicle for himself. “Keep on that one, sis.” He turned it around. “I'll take the other two.”

“Right.” Leia zoomed past trees and vines, the leaves and branches crunching underfoot. Three times she almost fell off the darn thing. It was going much faster than she'd anticipated. She was surprised that she hadn't run into a tree. They always seemed to come out of nowhere, and she'd just barely avoid them. Monkeys leaned over and tried to grab at her hair.

She lead one to run into a tree, but the other was a better rider and harder to catch. His bullet almost caught her on the shoulder. Her own gun got him in the leg, distracting him enough to run off a cliff. Unfortunately, it also distracted her. The massive palm tree, with its roots spreading in every direction, suddenly loomed in her vision. She leaped off just as the vehicle ran head-long into the trunk, smashing to bits. Leia landed in a soft pile of leaves behind a rock...and that was all she could remember before she passed out.

Something sharp poked at her. It was long and thin. She presumed it was a twig and tried to brush it away. At least that didn't hurt too badly. She slowly moved her other hand. The chattering behind her picked up an octave as another sharp object poked around her arm.

She'd had quite enough. “Would you cut that out?” She rolled over and sat up...and found herself staring into a pair of large brown eyes and a soft gray monkey face. He really looked more like a small gorilla with longer arms than a monkey. She suspected he was a younger monkey. His arms weren't as fully-formed and his face wasn't as full as the howlers she'd seen in the San Diego Zoo.

Leia sighed and looked around. “Well, looks like I'm stuck here. I just wish I knew where 'here' was. Maybe you can help me.” She patted the log next to her. “Here.”

The little monkey still seemed skittish, nudging her and sniffing at her. “Want something to eat?” She was so glad she'd snitched a few crackers when they stopped to make camp. The little monkey sniffed at the food eagerly. He finally climbed up next to her and snatched the crackers, cramming them into his mouth. “You're a jittery little fellow, aren't you?”

He let out an ear-splitting howl when she pulled off her motorcycle helmet. “Whoa!” She threw her hands over her ears. “It's just a hat! It won't hurt you.”

The monkey picked up the hat when she handed it to him. She had to chuckle as he inspected it from all sides. He even got it on his head and pulled down the visor, trying to imitate the sounds he'd likely heard from the motorcycles earlier.

He was chewing on the cords that held them on when he suddenly looked up and howled. Leia frowned. She'd heard something rustling in the leaves, too. “What is it?”

A gunshot answered her question. She shot into the brush while her little friend dumped the helmet and hid under the log. A human hand grabbed at hers before she could shoot again. “Well, what's this?” The face under the white motorcycle helmet smirked unpleasantly. Another man in white came up behind them. “I think this is the girl Mr. Vader was talking about. Go get your bike. We'll take her back to the camp.”

Leia jumped back as a howl wailed from under the log. Her new friend scrabbled out and leaped onto the soldier, grabbing at his ears and trying to get his helmet. The distraction gave Leia a chance to knock him over and get him on the ground. She shot the other man's tires. He spun out, knocking himself out against a tree.

“Let's get out of here.” The howler monkey climbed up onto Leia's shoulder. “I think I'd better find the others, before Vader's boys find them.”

As it turned out, someone else got there ahead of them. Leia could hear the howling – human and monkey – from a mile off. “I'm assuming your relatives decided to make themselves at home at our camp.” Leia sighed as the monkey scrambled onto her shoulder. “How about I get my men away from them, before your relatives get shot, and you tell your family that our camp isn't their new home?” The little monkey seemed to consider that before nodding and squeaking in her ear. “Good. Let's go.”

Harry was trying to head off two monkeys with a frying pan as she arrived with her new friends. Two others hung off his legs, reaching for his guns. Charel fought with them for a hunk of beef he'd been roasting. Luke was on the ground as they scrambled over him. Artie tried to swat them away, but for every one he pushed off him, two more would replace him. Monkeys howled as they opened crates, ate bananas and dried meat, inspected their equipment, and tried on her drawers.

“What's going on over here?” She stomped over to Clarence, who seemed to be having a rather animated conversation with one of the monkeys. “Why aren't they after you?”

As Clarence stretched to his full height, the monkey climbed onto his shoulder and nuzzled him. “I'm fluent in sixty forms of communication, including some animal. I've studied the howler monkeys of Central America, including the golden-back variety. They're really very intelligent creatures, but they're also quite curious. They're worried that we'll harm them or hunt them, like those nasty Imperials down in the valley have been doing for weeks.”

Her little friend chittered in her ear, his high-pitched screech as annoyed as she felt. “Clarence, please tell them that we're not like the Imperials. We're here for knowledge, not to do any hunting.”

The tall secretary leaned over and gave the largest of the monkeys a series of howls that were almost louder than theirs. The monkey answered with his own long howl, pointing at the trees. He tugged at Clarence's hair.

“I'm not accustomed to conversing with non-humans,” Clarence admitted when he pulled up again. “They seem to be using a very primitive dialect, for a howler monkey, but they think I'm their equivalent of a God.”

Harry ignored Artie, Luke, and Charel laughing behind him. “Great! You can use that divine influence of yours and tell them to scram.”

“I'm sorry, Captain Solomon,” the secretary fussed importantly, “but that wouldn't be proper.”

Leia was worried that the Captain would reach over and pop him in the nose. “PROPER?”

Clarence did step back a bit at the force of Harry's word, but he still continued. “I'm afraid it's against my job description to play a religious figure for monkeys.”

“Why, you...” Every monkey in the place ran in front of Harry the moment he lunged for Clarence. “Why you...er, God-like secretary, you. Uh, yeah.” He finally just shrugged. “He's an, er, old friend of mine.”

Luke, Artie, and Charel were literally rolling on the ground in laughter. The noise finally brought Yoda out of his tent. “Young Skylark, what is all this about? Howling, I hear. Monkeys should be in trees, not in camp. Busy, I am. Must translate remaining notes. Need the noise, I do not.”

“Professor,” Leia began, “the Imperials got these monkeys riled up, and we don't know how to get rid of them.”

“Get rid of them, I can. Or we can.” Yoda tugged on Luke's sleeve and whispered something into his ear as he leaned down.

Luke nodded. “That might work.” He and Yoda closed their eyes and lifted their hands. Within seconds, two soft green lights flowed under Clarence and lifted him into the air like a floating pillow.

“Help! Help!” Clarence wailed and waved his hands, looking very much like an agitated golden goose. “Arthur! Mr. Luke! Please let me down! I hate heights! Oh, stop!” The monkeys let rip with banshee screeches and fled away, hiding in trees or behind crates, pointing and chittering at the suddenly “flying” god.

Leia knew what the elderly professor and her brother had in mind. She gently took her little friend's arm before he could run. “You tell your friends and family to leave us and our camp alone,” she snapped, “and we'll tell the God to lower himself and not unleash his great magic.”

“Wait!” Harry rushed over, pushing another monkey off his leg. “I have a better idea. These little buggers don't like the Imperials any more than we do. Why don't we use them?”

“Use them?” Leia raised an eyebrow. “How?”

Harry leaned over the largest monkey. “Let's make a truce.” He winked at Clarence, but he was really looking at Luke, who was starting to sweat with the effort of holding the secretary in the air. “Hey Mr. God, I think you can come down from there now. They have the idea.”

The green light vanished as quickly as it appeared. Clarence flopped rather inelegantly in a pile of soft moss. “Thank heavens!” He hugged the ground like a child. “I'm never leaving the ground again. I didn't think I had it in me to fly!”

“Tell them we want to make a truce.” Harry gave Clarence one of his famous half-smirks. “We'll keep the Imperials from hunting them, if they'll do a little something for us.”

Leia scratched her new friend's back as Clarence howled softly, encouraging the monkeys to come out of the trees. “What did you have in mind?” She grinned at her heavily sweating brother. “And thanks, Luke. You too, Yoda. That was some good Force work there.”

Luke was wiping his heavily perspiring brow. “No sweat, sis.”

Yoda grinned, showing all three teeth he had left. “Tell your secretary, you should not. Needs the confidence, he does. Let him think he did it. Makes him happy.”

“And there aren't many things that make him happy.” Artie laughed as he watched his best friend howl back and forth with the long-armed furballs. “Let him have this much.”

Harry joined Clarence in the circle of fur and arms. “Clarence, we were wondering how to get into the Imperial dig site undetected.” He waved his hands at the monkeys. “Here's our ticket in. If they can do that to our camp, imagine what they can do to the Imperials. Get back at them for hurtin' their friends.” He nudged Clarence's arm as he addressed them. “And tell them to leave our weapons alone. Just attack the Imperials' stuff. They don't need them.”

He smirked and nudge Clarence as he began again. “Hurry up, will ya? We don't got all day.” Now everyone was laughing as the flustered secretary tried to relay everything to his rapt monkey audience.