The Resistance Kids and the Haunted House, Part 8

“This is crazy.” Finn tugged at his jacket. “Hank is nowhere to be found.”

Jess put her basket aside. “Neither of them are.” She tugged at one red high heel. “These shoes are killing me. I knew I shouldn't have borrowed them from Kay. Her feet are smaller than mine.”

Baby had spent the last half-hour or so mostly sniffing around the fireplace. She swore she saw the two boys in the dress and funny old suits come out of here earlier, when the lights vanished. She didn't trust a bunch of stones that could hold hot stuff and make mean boys appear from nowhere! Something wasn't right here. She barked as loudly as she could, trying to get her humans' attention.

Finn heard her first. “What is it, girl?” He and Jess followed the little white dog to the fireplace. She scratched at the side, whimpering and trying to tug at the stonework. “Wow!” Finn tugged at the stone...and pulled it out, revealing an entrance. “Jess, Mrs. Solo, you've gotta see this!”

“Holy moly!” Jess peered into the blackness. “Just like in all those crazy Boris Karloff movies.”

“What in the world...” Leia raised her eyebrows. “I'd heard this place was filled with secret passages, but I never really saw any of them until now.” She grabbed the brown fedora from the mantel. “Hank was wearing this earlier. He wouldn't have left it here. It's part of his costume. We've got to get down there!”

Finn was so grateful when the lights chose to come back on at that moment. “Thank god! We won't have to climb around in there in the dark.”

Jess gathered Baby in her arms. “It's still pretty spooky in there, though.”

“I'll go first.” Leia pulled what, to Finn's shock, looked like a gun out of her purse. “I've lived a good life.”

“Mrs. Solo,” Finn gaped, “you...you...uh, I didn't know you could shoot.”

“Neat-o!” Jess grinned. “You pack some heat!”

“Finn, I used to be a cop. I was one of the best shots in the police academy.” She held out the small gun. “Besides, a woman needs some way of defending herself in this town.”

Finn desperately wished they had a flashlight, or a candle, or any kind of light source. He would have taken a torch from one of the Universal Frankenstein movies. Even though the lights in the house were back on, it was still dark as tombs in the narrow tunnel. The stairs went sharply downwards, seemingly forever.

They'd been walking for about five minutes when he heard clanking. “Uh...do you girls hear that?”

Jess looked around. Baby gave him a confused bark. “Hear what?”

He just saw the tops of Leia's shoulders shrug. “I just hear our feet.”

They started down again. They were nearly at the bottom when he heard it again. “Ok, whomever it is, come out!” All he saw was steps and a suit of armor. A suit of armor he could have sworn wasn't there five minutes ago...

“Hey...” Finn went over to the armor. He knocked on the side of one armor, then opened the visor. “Anyone home?” A hand reached out and grabbed the visor down. He started away...and the armor actually kicked his rear.

“Oh, that does it.” Finn turned fast. The armor was following him, but it immediately clattered to the side the second he looked. “I think I know who's in there.” He went back to the armor and flung the visor open. “Ok, show yourself!”

“Watch it!” Phasma pulled a lock of pale gold hair from his fingers. “I'd like to keep all my hair in one piece, thank you!”

Jess and Leia had already turned around to see what the commotion was. Leia made a face. “What's this?”

“She's Phasma, one of the Force Order Gang.” Finn glared at her. “I think she's trying to scare us.”

Phasma glared at him. Those big dark blue eyes could glare very well. Finn darted over to Leia. “We're supposed to be scaring you down here. Snoke wants to see all of you.”

“Bring us to him, then.” Leia pointed her gun at Phasma's back. “I have about five or six very interesting questions I'd like to ask him, too.”

Phasma lead them to a door at the very end of the staircase. It was wooden and heavy, but she opened it easily and poked her head in. “Hello, Professor?” She turned to them and shrugged as well as she could in metal plates. “He's not here.”

Leia poked the gun at the flesh between the plates. “We'll wait.”

“Watch it, lady.” Phasma moved away from the gun. “I stole good trash cans to make this armor!” She finally lead the group into the laboratory.

Finn had never seen anything like Snoke's lab outside of old Universal horror movies. He really expected them to be in black and white, with that wild, evil laughter they heard earlier intoning “It's aliiiive!” Chemicals bubbled in long glass tubes. Shelves were filled with sharp, nasty-looking implements of all shapes and sizes. Baby sniffed around an empty gurney. A thin blue blanket covered the other, which had lumps that rose up and down.

Jess picked up a huge scalpel. “This guy is a brain doctor? What's this for, easy removal?”

Finn sniffed at a beaker of bubbling brownish-red fluid and put it aside, wrinkling his nose and waving his hand. “Well, I can tell you one thing. He's a bad soda jerk. That was the worst-smelling cherry Coke I ever laid my nostrils on.”

Leia eyed the gurney. “Wait.” She stuffed the gun in the waistband of her dress. “Those lumps are snoring. I recognize that snore.” She whipped off the blanket to reveal Hank, who was rather awkwardly sprawled across the wheeled table. A metal strip attached to a huge machine covered in blinking knobs and dials was strapped across his forehead. His wrists, ankle, and torso were strapped to the sides. “Yeah, I know this snore, all right.” The small detective tossed the blanket on the other gurney. “I heard it in my ear every night for almost thirty years.”

“Hank!” Finn and Jess started on his ankles. Finn pulled at one thick strap. “We've got to get you out of here, boss.”

“Yeah.” Jess tugged open the other buckle. “This party is now officially over. We need to get to the police. This is loony, man. Mad scientist territory.”

“I won't argue that.” Leia gently pried the metal from her husband's head. “I may not be entirely happy with him leaving, but no one deserves this.”

They made one mistake. Leia was too busy concentrating on Hank to watch Phasma. The blond snatched the gun the moment she had the chance.

“Don't anyone move!” She pointed the gun at Hank. “Hands up, or the bloke in the tan shirt gets it.”

Finn made a face as he put up his hands. “You don't even know who he's dressed as?”

Jess smirked. “She didn't see him in the fedora earlier. I'll bet she doesn't read the papers, either.”

“You don't know the first thing about firearms.” Leia reached for her gun. “You're going to give me that back, before you hurt yourself or someone else.”

Phasma ducked back. “You'd be surprised, old woman.”

Leia glared. “Who's old?”

Hank let out a moan, finally opening his eyes. He put his hand on Leia's cheek. “Your Worship, is that you?”

She grinned. “You bet it is, Sheep Herder. There's no way we were going to leave you down here.”

“Leia!” They wrapped each other in a passionate kiss. Finn whistled. Jess' grin was ear to ear. Baby howled approvingly.

“Damn.” Phasma smirked. “Someone might have to convince Snoke to leave your minds mostly intact. You two are a lot more fun to watch than my parents.”

Hank waved her off. “Glad you enjoyed the show.” Leia and Finn helped him into a sitting position. “Where the hell are we?”

“We're in my laboratory.” Another door opened in the wall opposite Hank and Leia, near the narrow window. The speaker was a wrinkled, gray old skeleton in a white lab coat and black trousers. He had a bulbous head with thin black eyebrows, beady black eyes, and long, skeletal fingers. At least, Finn was reasonably sure he was a skeleton. He was too lean and bony to be a living human.

“Mom?” Ben Solo followed behind the walking pile of bones. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you!” Leia got right into her son's face, at least as much as she could, considering he towered more than a foot over her. “Ben, I love you. You're my son. But you'll be lucky if I don't take you over my knee and spank you right here and now, in front of all these people!”

“Do it!” Finn yelled through his cupped hands.

Jess had her hands on his hips. “He deserves it!”

“Mother,” Ben whined, “you're embarrassing me! I'm not five years old!”

Leia glared at her son. “Then act like it!”

“That's quite a display. She'll do nicely. Bring her to the other gurney.” Snoke eyed her. “You're feisty, Mrs. Solo. Very feisty...and very intelligent. It'll be an honor to control you.”

“What?!” Ben's glare was just as angry as his mother's. “Look, I don't mind bringing you Dameron, or Hank Solo. But I told you to leave Mother alone!”

The older man waved him off. “Mrs. Solo is perfect. Detective, former police commissioner, leader. It takes quite a bit of brain power to be able to perform all of those tasks. Brain power like that will be a pleasure to manipulate. I'll do the young people later, after I've finished with their elders.”

“Oh no.” Hank snarled at Snoke, managing to curl his fingers into a fist. “You're not putting those skinny tree branches you call fingers on my wife, pal!”

“In a few minutes, you won't know who she is.” He turned to two hulking men behind Ben and Hux. “You two, hold onto the two young people. We'll deal with them later.” He waved to Ben and Hux. Ben was whispering something in Hux's ear. “Kylo Ren and Phasma, strap Solo to the gurney. Hux, help me with the woman.”

Tasha Umaro came in through the side door just as they were starting. “Dameron found the others.” She tugged her trailing black and blue velvet skirts into the room and removed her vampire teeth. “He's bringing them here. Waller is with them.”

“Luke!” Leia looked up as Snoke grabbed her arms. “That's what I heard before. He could always do a great evil laugh. Used to scare the dickens out of all the boys in his flight squadron with it.” She struggled wildly in the old scientist's arms. Umaro went to help, shoving her torso down as they forced her onto the gurney.

“No! Not her! Not my wife!” Hank tried to sit up again, but they gagged him and Leia with cloths from a basket on a shelf. Ben started towards them, but one of the men blocked him. The two men held Jess and Finn, ignoring their kicking and screaming. One reached for Baby, but she easily dashed between his legs and up the steps.

“Forget the dog. It can do us no harm now.” Snoke clapped the metal strip around Hank's forehead again, then put a second strip on Leia's. He stroked her forehead, then her cheek, almost lovingly. “There. Now, don't be alarmed. You're both taking part in scientific history. I'm merely changing your brain waves. You thought I was crazy when you fired me, didn't you, Mrs. Solo? Why don't we see how crazy I am when you're under my control...and are my willing spokeswoman?”

Hank screamed under his gag at the same time Ben yelled “Not Mother! You can have Solo, but she...she won't respond to the treatment. She's too stubborn.”

“Don't worry.” The old scientist ran his fingers through Leia's gray-brown hair. “My machine will take care of those stubborn Solo circuits.” Leia struggled wildly, trying to inch away from his icy-cold touch. “Struggling will do you no good, my dear woman. This is top-of-the-line equipment, including the gurneys. My operatives...borrowed...them from the New York Hospital.”

Snoke had just pushed a few switches and buttons when that evil laugh suddenly filled the room. The moment it was heard, the lights flickered and died. The machine sputtered out. The only sounds were their own breathing and the rain that continued pattering on the walls.

“For heaven's sake!” He turned to one of his men. “You told me you fixed the generator!”

The piece of beefcake in a cheap suit shrugged. “Sorry, boss. This is an old house. I don't think the wirin's up to your fancy gadgets.”

“Well then, you'll have replace the fuses.” He indicated a shelf to his right. “They're over there, on top of the phone book and the box of spare beakers.”

No one moved. Finn shivered. It was really spooky down there. The only light came from the glowing Bunsen burners on the chemistry set. Leia and Hank continued to struggle. No one else moved. They barely breathed.

That was when they heard the clatter...and saw the figure. A clown more horrifying than anything DC Comics or a circus ever dished out emerged from the stairs. He kept laughing, a sound like metal scraping against living flesh. The clanking chains and rattling bones returned, a bit muffled but still quite obvious.

“Do you all know,” the clown hissed, “who I am?” Several people around the room screamed when he seemed to remove his face and his white makeup...revealing a familiar scarred visage and glittering blue eyes. He pulled off his purple jacket to reveal an old-fashioned suit, like the one Andrew Waller wore in the scrapbook. “I'm Andrew Waller. This is my home. You're trespassing on my property. My maiming was an accident...but your treatment of these young people and this older couple is no accident.”

“That's a lie!” Ben narrowed his one good eye in confusion. “Benton Kenobi was jealous! He was having an affair with Grandmother. It was no accident.”

“It was. One Benton regretted for the rest of his life.” “Andrew” picked up the chisel...but Finn saw him wink at Leia on the gurney. “This man was an associate of my former boss, Simon Palpatine. They worked on a formula to control minds, make them do their bidding. Palpatine used it on me for years after my accident.”

“This isn't real!” Snoke stepped back, reaching for a chisel. “You're dead! You can't come back to life. Even I know that isn't possible.” He raised the chisel, his face a gray, pasty mask of terror. “Let's see just how real you are, so-called Mr. Waller!”

Just as Snoke launched himself at “Waller,” a broom handle came down over the head of the man holding Finn and Jess. He let them go, reaching over to rub his sore noggin. Finn jumped as a green face with a feminine British accent whispered in his ear “Routine 10.”

Finn knew the code words. The “Routines” were their signal that it was time to fight. The higher the numbers went, the bigger and more elaborate the fight. This was a really big one. Finn socked the big guy in the chin. Rey swatted Ben Solo in the rear with her broom. He jumped a mile, glaring at her as he rubbed his sore backside. Snap managed to wrestle Hux to the stone floor.

Charles threw two of the big men's heads together, looking rather like something out of a Three Stooges short. “I enjoy big fight scenes. This much better than anything in short subjects, and more fun!” He lifted Umaro up and hung her by the back of her dress on the wall, ignoring her squealing and shouts. “That will keep you out of trouble, large miss.”

Finn went after Phasma, finally knocking her into a large wastebasket with a clatter. She screamed as discarded apples, old banana peels, wads of paper, chewing gum, and things Finn couldn't even identify spilled around her. “I always knew you were trash, lady.”

“Did you have to do this while I'm wearing metal?” Phasma picked a wilted lettuce leaf off her right shoulder plate. “It took me long enough to get these trash cans smelling decent enough to use.”

Jess ran over to Poe as he sort of wandered into the room. “What got into you?” She pulled at his sheet. “And what's with the ghost costume? You were supposed to be the Scarecrow!” Baby scampered in next, whimpering at her owner's heels. “What's wrong, girl? What happened to him?”

“He's under my control.” Snoke laughed. His laugh was almost as evil as Luke's clown cackle. “My boy, attack the girl, then go after the others. Bring them to me.”

Poe had a good right hook, but he hadn't counted on a furious Jessica Pava. She went under his fist, then hit him square in the jaw. He hit the floor with a nasty smack.

“Poe!” She and Baby went down to the floor. “Damn, I didn't think I got you that hard!”

Poe rubbed the side of his head. He was still a little dazed, but the empty look in his eyes was gone. “What the hell was that? Jess, what did I ever do to you? Recently, anyway.” He gazed around. “Where am I?”

“Professor Snoke's laboratory.” Jess giggled as Baby let out a happy howl and leaped into his arms. “If you're all right, we're going to need your help. Rey just announced Routine 10.”

“I'll have a headache for a couple of years, and I seem to have lost at least a day, but otherwise, I'm fine.” He grinned at her. “I told the First Order Gang it would take more than some mad scientist to intimidate the Organa Detective Agency!”

Jess tugged him over to Leia's gurney. Ben was already unstrapping her ankles. “Unless you want your boss and ours to become mindless drones, I'd suggest you start getting these off.” Snap was already working on Hank.

Snoke and Waller were struggling for the chisel. The older scientist tore at Waller's makeup..revealing the face of a middle-aged man in a graying beard, with no scars, but blue eyes that glowed with a fire similar to Waller's. “Luke Waller,” he hissed. “The prodigal son, come home to defend his daddy. How touching. You always did rather resemble Andrew. No wonder I was fooled.” He held the chisel to Luke's neck. “Now you'll truly resemble your father, scars and all.”

The same broom now came down over Snoke's head. He dropped the chisel. Rey glared at him. “I don't think so! You leave that man alone, you nutty professor, you!”

Snap helped Hank off the gurney. “What's going on?” Hank's legs were wobbly, but he did mange to stand. “Where did all of you come from?”

“Upstairs.” Snap nodded at the door. “Poe was really acting strange when we found him, gliding like a ghost and ignoring everything we said. He lead us to the fireplace. It was already open. We saw the fedora, and then Baby came running upstairs, and we heard all the commotion down here.”

“I was?” Poe rubbed his head. “First Order Gang must have hit me harder than I thought. I don't remember a thing about any of this.”

Leia grabbed her gun from Phasma the moment her son helped her to the floor. “I'll take that, young lady.” Jess and Rey were tying up his remaining men with rope found on the shelves. Finn had Hux in a headlock. “We're missing one Resistance Kid. Where's Kaydel?”

“She went with my servant Threepio to call the cops.” Luke took the chisel from Snoke. “They should be here any minute.”

“What? Uncle, no!” Ben rolled his eyes. “I'm not going back to reform school, and you can't make me!”

“No, you're not going to reform school.” Luke frowned. “I'm sorry, but you're old enough for jail time. You'll all have a fair trial, but you murdered a police officer, were involved with the destruction of my original school, and were an accessory to kidnapping and likely theft. You'll be out in twenty to sixty years.”

“Jail?” Hux wrinkled his nose. “My father's too important. It'll never stick. Besides, I could never stay in such a dirty, nasty place.”

“Maybe you can pin the crimes on these children,” Snoke snarled, “but I have no desire to face arrest just yet.” He threw another beaker in Luke's direction. Luke just managed to miss the bubbling brown liquid, but it gave Snoke the chance to dart out the room through the side door.

“Snap, Jess, go after him.” Leia threw a box of fuses into Charles' arms. “You go with them. You know how to fix fuses. If this is the basement, the fuse box has to be somewhere. Don't take too long. We'll all need to give statements to the police when they arrive.”

“Kid!” Hank threw his arms around Luke for a huge hug. “Where the hell have you been? We thought you disappeared off the face of the planet!”

“I've been traveling.” Luke hugged him back. “I missed you so much. You and Leia. I just couldn't tell you what I was doing.”

Leia stuck the gun in her waistband. “I've been wanting to do this for five years.” Her little fist shot out, knocking Luke so hard in the chin, he ended up flat on his back on the gurney. “Why in god's name did you take off like that, without so much as a word? Do you know how worried we all were about you?”

Her twin rubbed the back of his head. “All the women around here pack one hell of a punch! I'll have to remember not to upset my female students too often.”

“Tell me about it. I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a week!” Ben rubbed his rear and glared at Rey. She stuck her tongue out at him in return.

Hank and Leia had just helped Luke off the gurney as Kaydel arrived with Statura and at least six cops. “Ok, what's going on? Miss Connix told me something about a mad scientist doing brain experiments and kidnapping and murder?”

Luke took Ben's arm. “Officer, we found the people responsible for the murder of Detective Lor San Tekka. They also helped Professor Roland Snoke kidnap Hank and Leia Solo and Poe Dameron for use in illegal experiments involving mind control.”

“If I didn't see the equipment,” said one cop with a thick Irish brogue, “I wouldn't believe it, lad. Look at all this!”

“Yeah,” added a short cop with a nasal voice. “This looks like somethin' you hear about on Escape or one of them other scary horror radio shows.”

Hank had his arm around his wife. Finn went to his other side. “Oh, it's real, all right. Their boss drugged me and tried to turn me and Leia into drones.”

Poe raised his hands. “They actually did it to me. I don't remember anything from the time Dr. Franken-Snoke turned on the juice to just a few minutes ago.”

Statura rubbed his temple in frustration. “I can tell this is going to be a very interesting story. I already have men questioning your remaining party guests upstairs.” Two officers helped Phasma out of the trash. Another got Umaro off the wall. Three more lead the goons to the steps, still bound and grumbling. “Why don't we take this to the main floor? We'll get everything sorted out up there.”

Ben turned to his mother as a cop handcuffed him. “Mom, you won't really let me go to jail, will you?” His long face fell, and he actually managed to look innocent. “I just wanted you to like me as much as you like your job.”

She squeezed his hand. “Honey, I do love you. You're my little boy. You always will be.” Ben saw the hurt in her deep brown eyes as she pulled away. “But you're not going to get out of this one. Murder, near-murder, and kidnapping are not the way to get anyone's attention. You need to learn that you won't always get away with things just because you're the police commissioner's son.”

“But Mooothhher,” he whined. “Grandfather got away with it! He repented in the end.”

“He also murdered hundreds of people or ordered their deaths, including a school of young people studying to be police cadets. He let Palpatine control him. He would have had a trial and gone to jail if he'd lived.” Leia looked genuinely sad. “I'm sorry neither he nor you ever really learned how to deal with the consequences of your actions. I somewhat blame myself and your father, but you're to blame as well. You're the one who accepted Snoke's orders. I can only hope you'll be able to learn in jail what Andrew Waller never did, that power only goes so far, and you can't keep hurting others without people fighting back.”

“Maaaa!” Ben's tried to struggle, but the cop held his shoulder hard. “I'm your son!”

“No.” Leia took Hank's hand. “You're Kylo Ren. You need people who can help you be my son Ben again.”

Hux glared at him as they lead him upstairs. “I told you this was a ridiculous idea. We should have stuck to stealing candy from trick-or-treaters and left them alone!”

“Snoke wanted more experiments!” Ben tried to kick at him. “You were the one who wanted to do the ghost trick in the fireplace!”

Phasma groaned as they were lead upstairs. “Knock it the hell off, you idiots. I'm not spending the next twenty to sixty years listening to the two of you go at it like children!”

Hank saw Leia's tears. “I know that was hard for you. That's our kid. We made him. But Leia, he's a grown man now. Grown men need to learn to take care of themselves.”

“I know.” She sighed. “I think there's still good in him. Maybe he'll find it while in jail.”

“Sure,” grumbled Rey. “And the Cubs will win the World Series someday.”

Luke put his arms around the grieving parents as the lights flickered back on. “Looks like Charles managed to fix the breakers. How about we take this back to the living room? I'll explain everything there.”

Leia wiped her eyes, ignoring the black mascara streak on her hand. “Including where you've been for five years?”

Her brother nodded. “You'll get to meet Threepio, too. Matter of fact, I should have some cider in the icebox. I'll get that heated up, and we'll have a quiet discussion around the fire.”

“Sounds good to me.” Hank grinned, but his knees were still a little wobbly. “But first...could someone give me a hand?”

Charles and Rey went to either side of him. “Of course, Solovich.” Charles grinned at him. “I'm just glad you're all right.”

“Me too.” Rey put his arm around her as the others followed them to the door.