Rated: PG (Language)
Set: Directly after the end of episode 30, taped August 30th, 1990
“And that’s a wrap!”
“Finally!” Brett Somers turned to Charles Nelson Reilly and stretched. “I thought that would never end!”
Her long-time friend shrugged. “I don’t know. I had a good time. I kind of wish the Coast Guard officer won. He didn’t play too badly, and it’s nice to see someone from the Coast Guard on the show.”
She smirked. “You thought he was cute.”
“Well, he wasn’t bad.” Charles smirked. “You’re just jealous. He didn’t look at you twice.”
“Shannon was close to throwing herself at him. And you always say I’m desperate!” She made a face. “What got into that girl, anyway? He wasn’t that cute. And besides, he’s way too young for me.” She made a face. “Did I throw myself at the men like that in the 70’s, Victor?”
“Much worse, Susan. You were so obvious, I think you were this close to giving half of them your phone number.”
Brett sighed. “Better than reading my phone number on the bathroom stalls.” She frowned as Ross Schafer, the young host of the show, ambled over. “What does he want?”
“Probably to congratulate you on your first week back. You did do a good job.”
She groaned. “It was terrible, Charles! That new Match Up bit is terrible. I couldn’t keep up with it. Who came up with that, anyway?”
“The boss’ son, so be nice.”
She would be the first person to admit that Ross was actually a very good-looking young man. If she were ten years younger…maybe five…she’d be all over him. And he could certainly be funny when he wanted to be. He just didn’t have Gene’s acting ability or his randy charm. Not to mention, his ability to reign in the panelists.
“Brett,” he said gently, “you’re doing better at the Match-Up, but Johnathan Goodson told me you really need to pick up the pace.”
“Is that who came up with Match Up?” Brett made a face. “Goodson’s kid? I remember when I used to bounce him on my knee! He’s just a boy.”
“Boy or not,” Ross pointed out drily, “he’s the producer of this show. He says we needed something more enticing, to make the game more exciting.”
She rolled her eyes. “Figures a kid would miss the point. It’s not about the game. It’s about the comedy.”
“Brett,” Ross began gently, “I’m only telling you what he said…”
“He’s as humorless as his father. Goodson never understood this show, either.”
Charles put a hand on her shoulder. “Down, Brett. He is our boss.”
“Actually,” Ross admitted, “I agree with her. I like Goodson well enough, but his sense of humor tends to dry up when you’re talking about his shows…and that’s true about his son, too. But,” he added, “it isn’t really my place or yours to say. We just have to do the best we can with what we’re given.”
“I am doing my best!” Brett grumbled. “I go as fast as I can. This is just…not everyone thinks that fast. Some of us need to take our time. What was wrong with us just trying to match the contestant with our answers, the way we used to?”
“Brett,” Charles said calmly, “it’s not Ross’ fault or ours. It’s the way the rules work.”
“Gene never really followed the rules,” Brett muttered. “He listened to Goodson, and then played the game his way.”
Ross sighed. “That’s what I’m trying to do. Brett…I’m not Gene Rayburn. I know I’m not. I understand he’s your friend and you’re used to him. I’m not trying to replace him. I don’t know why they hired me and not him, but all I want is for you to just listen to me and play along.”
“Brett,” Charles said with a weary sigh, “I miss Gene, too. He is a good friend. They just went another route, that’s all. They wanted someone different.”
“Why?” Brett snapped. “What was wrong with the way things were before? It worked then, didn’t it? I used to have fun doing the old show. It was so crazy, you never know what would happen. No Match Ups, and the wheel didn’t come until later. And they mainly did it so the contestants wouldn’t call on Richard Dawson for the Head-to-Head so much. Where is he, by the way? Whatever happened to that little Lothario?”
Charles shrugged. “Word in Burbank is he retired after he married a Family Feud contestant and is helping to take care of their daughter. His interest is in his family now.” He put a hand on his best friend’s. “Brett, please. For me. I’m enjoying doing the show. I like being here, but I miss you being next to me. You’re my best friend. We always have fun together.”
“I’m retired too, Charles.” She sighed. “I retired for a reason. I can’t do this anymore. Nothing against you, Ross,” she added, “but I miss Gene, and Fannie, and the others. TV isn’t as much fun anymore. People don’t just let things happen, and that’s what I like. You were always more interested in your career than I was, anyway, Victor.”
Ross nodded. “Nothing against you either, Brett. I’m glad to have met you. Johnathan just wanted fresh blood, and something different. He said the show moves too slowly for TV nowadays and had gotten too stale.”
“I’m not sure I agree with that,” Charles admitted. “I think we do our best when we can focus on the questions and have fun with them. Ross, that includes you too. Aren’t you looking forward to Halloween?”
Ross grinned. “Oh yeah. They say they’re going to decorate and let us wear costumes. I know what I’m going to be! Ronn Lucas has been pestering me about dressing up for the Halloween show and doing something big with Scorch.”
“Ok,” she chuckled, “I’ll be the first one to admit that the Halloween show sounds like it would be fun. I’d have to ask, but I’d love to be on the show that week. I know what I’d dress-up as, too.” She nudged Charles. “What about you? How about a ghost? You could bring in Hope Lange and wear a cut-out sheet.”
He rolled his eyes under his thick glasses. “No, Brett. For one thing, Hope’s busy doing ads for that radio movie she just filmed. For another, I don’t think anyone remembers that show anymore. I do have something in mind, though.”
“How about The Great Hoo-Doo, the bad guy who lived in the top hat you did on that weird kid’s show years ago?”
Charles wrinkled his nose, and his lips puckered like a lemon. “I am never wearing that God-awful green makeup ever again!”
That’s when they heard the burst of masculine laughter. “Ok, you two,” Ross chortled next to them, “save it for the show. Now I understand why Charles insisted we have you on, Brett. You two are a real riot when you’re together, whether the cameras are rolling or not.”
“Thanks.” Brett couldn’t help laughing herself. “We are, aren’t we? I have to admit, I did miss this. I miss…well, I missed a lot of things.” She gave the younger man a small smile. “You’re not Gene, but you are an appreciative audience. Thanks for listening, Ross.”
“Actually,” Ross said as he put his microphone on a desk, “I’m honored. I watched this show when I was a teenager after school. I’m glad to be here. I haven’t had this much fun in years. The changes aren’t my idea.”
“Hey Ross,” Charles went on, “want to go out to lunch with us? We know this great bar down the street that serves the most amazing Sex on the Beaches you ever tossed down your throat.”
“That’s all right, Charles. I’m not much for heavy drinking.” Ross waved them on. “You two professionals go on ahead. I’m just going home and into bed.”
Brett mock-sighed heavily. “Children these days! They don’t know how to do these things properly.” She took his arm. “Shall we do the town, Victor? Maybe we could even call Patrick and have him meet us there.”
Her best friend grinned wickedly. “Sounds like a night to me. We shall, Susan.”
Ross shook his head as he watched them leave. “Those two are incredible. I just hope they’re able to walk upright tomorrow. We’ll need Charles at the next taping.” He followed after them, just as the lights went off over the chrome-and-plywood set.
THE END
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