I'm still working on BB In Toyland, but I had to get this off my chest. Personally, I loved "The Last Jedi." I liked that it took risks, that it didn't do what you expected it to do, that it let characters evolve and change. Was it perfect? No, but no movie is. No person is, no matter what people want them to be. Even legends make mistakes. That fallibility one of the issues Rey and Kylo Ren - or Ben Solo - address in this story. This isn't a tale of romance, or one that uses their connection in a romantic way. I saw their connection more as two confused people who were hoping that they'd found a friend who understood what they'd gone through, rather than as a Jane Austen novel in space.
Oh, and by the way, as you can guess, there's a major spoiler alert for this story. Proceed with caution if you haven't had the chance to see it yet.
Rating:
PG
Pairings:
None
Disclaimer:
The franchise belongs to George Lucas and the Walt Disney Company.
We'd
just gotten into hyperspace and I was working on fixing a few wires
in the cockpit when I heard his voice in my head again...and the
vision returned. He was there. Tall, thin, and pale, still clad in
black. He sat on a shiny, gleaming throne in a perfectly shiny,
sterile throne room. At least he was dressed this time. That one time
he contacted me half-dressed was embarrassing. (And a little silly,
with his pants pulled half-up like that.)
“Are
you still messing with that piece of junk?” His little smirk wasn't
nearly as warm or pleasant as his father's. “It should have been
sent to the scrap heap decades ago.”
“Go
away, Ben.” I really wished I could throw things through a Force
Bond. “I am not in the mood to talk to you right now.”
He
made a face. “My name is Kylo Ren.”
“It's
a stupid name.” I wiped my hands on an old cloth I'd found in a
tool box. “Where did you get it, anyway, off a cereal box? Besides,
I don't see anything wrong with your real name.”
“If
you must know, it's made up of the letters of the names of my
family.” Ben – I refused to think of him by that silly Kylo Ren
name anymore – just gave me that grin. “At least I have a family
name. Where's your family, junk girl?”
I
glared at him through the Force. “Where's yours? Oh yeah, I forgot,
you killed half of them. Even your mother's given up on you!”
Ben
narrowed his cold brown eyes at the mention of his mother. “Tell
Mama I had nothing to do with her being shot at. I personally
destroyed the men who did it.”
“Oh,
I'm sure she'll be thrilled with that apology.” I seriously
wondered if I could figure out how to Force-choke him, and if I cared
that this was considered to be a dark side power. “She almost died
out there in space, Ben! Even now, she's not in the best shape. We're
worried that all the stress may have been too much for her heart. Do
you even care? No, you don't!”
Ben
almost leaped out of his chair. “Don't you ever say I don't care
about my mama!”
“Then
prove it!” I slammed the front of the dashboard shut. “Leave the
First Order, Ben. Let Hux run the damn thing. We could use a good,
solid fighter like you.”
“I
can't, Rey.” Ben settled back in his chair. “I can't go back to
being just Ben Solo. Ben Solo was a nothing. A nobody. Even his uncle
couldn't love him.”
I
clenched my fists. “I've had just about enough of you Solos and
Skywalkers, with your whining and crying and damned family drama!”
It took all of my will power to not attempt to figure out how to
punch him across time and space. “First of all, your name is Ben
Solo. That's who you are, whether you like it or not. You have it in
your head that if you kill every single thing in your past, you'll
escape what happened with you and your uncle. Holo-news flash, Ben.
Killing the past is not the way to escape it, and neither is running
from it. You confront the past, learn from it, and move on. Master
Skywalker taught me that.”
“What
do you know?” Ben's fingers were pressing hard around the arms of
the chair. “You've had everything handed to you! You can do every
single kriffing thing! You fly the Falcon better than Han Solo. You
fight as well as I do, and I've been training since I was six. You
fight better than my uncle did, and he learned from two of the most
experienced Jedi in the entire order!”
I
crossed my arms. “Ben, I taught myself how to do those things. I
learned how to fly from an old flight simulator. I had to learn how
to fight. You don't survive in Jakku if you can't fight. I
more-or-less raised myself. I can bake my own bread, fix my own
speeder.” Ben shifted uncomfortably in his chair. It did look
pretty hard. Maybe he should get a pillow for that hard ass of his.
“I don't understand why you and the First Order can't share the
galaxy with the rest of us, or what you have against your parents.
From what I've gathered, they really cared about you.”
“They
never loved me!” I swore the arm of the chair had dents in it from
where Ben had been pushing down so hard. “Mama paid more attention
to her damn Republic than she ever did me! Pap...Han Solo spent all
of the time he wasn't arguing with Mama off at some kriffing race.
And Uncle Luke...” Ben's voice broke down. “Uncle Luke saw
darkness in me. Nothing but darkness. He was going to kill me!”
“But
he didn't! He changed his mind!” Now, all I could see was that
little lost boy Ben couldn't let go of. “Ben, people make mistakes.
They make big ones. I shouldn't have come to your ship. You shouldn't
have killed your father, or your uncle's students. You can get a life
sentence for that on some planets, you know. Master Skywalker should
have talked to you about that darkness, instead of trying to kill
you. Poe and Finn told me what happened on Cantino Bight and with the
Resistance. They both made huge mistakes, and Poe's got a lot of
people hurt.”
“People
shouldn't make mistakes!” It was a little boy's voice that wailed.
“Mama...Papa...they were gods! They never made mistakes, unless you
count fighting all the time. Uncle Luke was the greatest Jedi to ever
live! You should have seen them when they were younger, Rey. The way
I remember them. They were so perfect. They fought together, lived
together, did everything as a team. They were the ones who took down
the Empire. The ones who destroyed my grandfather. I thought...if I
could be more like Grandfather...I could be as good as them.” He
was nearly whimpering now. “If I was like Grandfather, I could be
strong, too. I could be as perfect as they were. I could destroy the
past, like he did.”
“First
of all, if Snoke was the one who filled your head with all that
nonsense about Darth Vader, I'm glad you killed him.” I pulled back
into my chair when I heard voices outside the cockpit. “Why do you
want to be like the man who murdered, raped, and robbed half the
galaxy?”
Ben's
lip trembled. “Because he was powerful. He was powerful like Mama
was. I used to sit with Mama at the senate meetings. When she stood
up, people listened. Uncle Luke used to say that 'size matters not.'
Mama may be short, but she always seemed like the strongest person in
the room.” A tear ran down that long nose. “I wanted to be as
powerful as her, but no one ever listened to me. People listened to
Grandfather. He ran the Empire. He did amazing things.”
“Amazing
things that killed half the galaxy and left it in smoking ruins.”
Now I was the one who was sighing. “Ben, it's hard when the people
we count on let us down. Sometimes, things happen that you don't
expect. What would you do if I told you that your Grandfather was
redeemed by your uncle, and hadn't always been the awe-inspiring Sith
Lord in the stories?”
“I
don't believe it.” Ben turned away from me, staring out the wide
window to his right. “Grandfather was never like Uncle Luke or Han
Solo. He was never weak. Darth Vader was respected by everyone in the
Empire.”
“No,
they all feared him.” I took his lead and gazed out to the stars.
“There's a lot of difference between fear and respect, Ben.”
“Love
is weakness.” Ben wiped his eyes fiercely. “I thought you would
understand. Uncle Luke let you down, too. Your friends let the entire
Resistance down. Pap...Solo let Mama down. What good does love do
anybody?”
“Love
is the reason we exist,” I said softly. “Love is why your mother
continued to hope that you would come back. Love is why Master
Skywalker was able to bring Darth Vader back to the light. Love is
why my friend Finn refuses to leave the side of a girl he's only
known a few days. It's why Poe and the others fight for what they
believe in.” I turned right towards where he was in my vision.
“It's why I fight. Why I'm going to keep fighting. Why I'm going to
become a Jedi. My new friends need me.”
“So,”
he said darkly. “You're joining them. I thought...” He turned
away. “Doesn't matter now. I thought you'd understand.”
“I
do, Ben.” I frowned. “But you're the one who doesn't understand.
All you can see is that hurt little boy whose uncle saw darkness in
him. You've spent so much time dwelling in that little boy, you can't
see all the damage and pain the man has caused.”
“And
you're just a nobody.” He wiped harder at his eyes. “That's all
you are. Just a stupid little nobody, from some nowhere little planet
and a nothing family.”
“Maybe
I am. But I think,” I finally said, my smile widening, “I'd
rather be a nobody who knows she's somebody, than a somebody who
believes deep down that he's a nobody.” I closed my eyes and
breathed deeply. “Contact me again when you're ready to be a real
friend, Ben. Until then...may the Force be with you.”
I'd
just ended the vision when Poe walked into the cockpit. “Hey there,
Rey. Who were you talking to in here?”
“Oh,
nobody.” I grinned up at him. “Want to go talk to Leia? We could
hear her story about how Luke and Han attempted to rescue her from
the Death Star and she ended up rescuing them for the fourteenth
time.”
“That's
my favorite story.” I followed him out the door. Maybe the other
members of the Resistance weren't perfect. Maybe Leia wasn't perfect.
Maybe no one was. But I knew they were friends, and that gave me
hope. Enough hope that someday, Ben Solo would understand, too.
The
End
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