Fairy Tale Blank, Part 8

 After a breakfast of fruit and nectar, it was decided that the group would separate. Richard figured they'd only need a few people to free Elaine, not a whole army. He, Bobby, and Charles would search the edge of Sherwood Forest for the tower, while the remaining group would travel to Andersen Bay. There, they would hire a boat to cross the sea and find the mer-princess.

Betty refused requests to join either party. “As much as I want to find my husband, I also don't want to run into Malade's forces, and there's our children and dogs to look after. I can do more from here than I could out in the open. I'll leave the fairy realm when you rescue the other princesses.” She took Brett's arm, her blue eyes shining with hope. “If you run into Allen on your travels...”

“Don't worry, Betty, we'll find him.” A smile crept across Brett's lips. “And the second we do, we'll send him right back to you.”

Charles was reluctant to be parted from his new friend, too. “You don't have to stick with me.” She patted him on the shoulder. “Go have some fun with the guys. It might do you some good. You could learn how to use that lute, instead of yowling like a cat caught in a rainstorm.”

“At least I'm not wearing a brown rag coated with more dust than a desert.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Take care of yourself.”

“I always do.”

He, Richard, and Bobby took off into the forest, leaving the others to drive Cornelius and the cart to Andersen Bay. They each brought a small pack of supplies from the fairies, and Charles had his lute. They searched high and low through the woods for several days, bur found nothing besides trees, birds, bushes, and small animals.

“I'm beginning to wonder if we're going in the wrong direction.” Richard hacked away at the low-hanging tree branches with his sword. “Or maybe being a tree for several months scrambled Gene's brains. I haven't seen so much as a mud hut, much less a tower.”

“I trust Gene. He's my friend.” Charles rubbed his face where one of the branches hit him. “And could you be more careful? One of your trees almost took off a piece of my nose!”

The shorter man smirked. “This is where being built lower to the ground can be useful. You need to learn to duck.”

“Wait!” Bobby waved his hands before they continue their argument. “Do you hear that?”

“Yeah.” A beautiful, sweet voice floated over to them on the wind, seemingly carried by the very air around them. Charles strummed softly on his lute. “I think I recognize that song. It's a new one.” His humming joined her voice on the wind. “'A Love Song.' I heard a lady from the northern kingdoms sing it when I was in Yorkalia.”

Footsteps and angry muttering in a Britannica accent suddenly drowned out both songs. “Shhh!” Richard threw his hands over the lute strings. “Someone's coming!”

“Why don't we follow her and the music?” Bobby nodded into the woods. “I have to know where that song's coming from. I don't think I could live until I know. I've never heard a lovelier voice.”

“Good idea.” The woman passed them as Richard tugged them into the foliage. The second she passed, he waved them on. “Follow me.”

They followed the woman in the black cloak with its enormous collar and glittering onyx beads deeper into the forest, past where even most animals lived. In the thickest part of the woods, a tall tower, its stone bleached white with age, stood tall against the trees that closed off much of the blue sky. The only opening was a large window built into the very top.

A young woman sat on the edge of the window, her hand sending a bird into the air. Just as the bird flew off, the other lady arrived. “Princess Elaine,” she snapped, “send down your hair! I need to talk to you!”

“Yes, Malade.” It had been difficult to tell just how long Elaine's hair was until that moment. The thick, straight locks fell down the wall in a rippling cascade of gold. The light of the mid-afternoon danced on it as the evil queen climbed into the window. “Oh, please be a little more careful! You might rip my hair out!”

“Be quiet, you silly brat!” The black-clad figure shimmied up the wall surprisingly well, disappearing into the window.

“So that's Malade.” Charles made a face. “I'm almost afraid to ask what she's going to do to her, considering she's already turned one guy to stone and another into a wolf.”

As if in response to his words, raised voices carried from the window. “No!” screamed the higher, sweeter tones. “No! You can't keep me here forever! You're just a mean old witch...ow!”

The last words ended with a sharp slap. “Keep that up, girl, and I'll do worse to you. I'll stiffen that pretty tongue of yours and turn you into an ugly toad!”

“No!” Bobby would have leaped out of the bushes if the other two men hadn't grabbed his arms. “We can't let her do that!”

“I agree,” Richard whispered, “but we can't help her now. Not with Malade there. None of us have magic. She'd be more likely to turn us into toads.”

Charles gave Bobby a small grin. “At least it would improve your looks.”

He nudged him. “You're no blushing beauty yourself, Spectacles.”

“Shhh!” Their shorter leader indicated the window. “She's coming!”

The second Malade shimmied down the golden braid and vanished into the woods, the trio of men darted out. “How are we going to get to her?” Charles shook his head at the tower, which pierced the sky. “The stones are too smooth for us to climb.”

“I have an idea.” They moved back as Bobby cupped his hand to his mouth, imitating the Queen. “Princess Elaine, throw down your hair! I forgot something!”

“Are you sure?” Elaine called from the window. “You sound weird. Do you have a cold?”

Bobby waved them back into the bushes. “Uh, no. All that yelling earlier made me a bit hoarse, that's all.”

“Well,” the sweet voice hesitated before continuing, “all right. But don't tug so hard! I'm still trying to get all the tangles out from your last visit!”

Bobby waggled his eyebrows at the duo in the brush. “Don't wait up for me.” The second the yellow hair dropped into his hands, he climbed up, making sure to be far gentler with her braid than Malade had been.

“Lucky stiff.” Richard made a face. “I've heard of Princess Elaine, though I've never met her. I imagine he'll want to take her back to the fairies himself. That is, if they even want to leave the tower after he gets an eyeful of her.”

His bespectacled companion smirked. “You're just jealous. You're not climbing hair to rescue a walking jiggle TV show.”

That was when the scream started again...but this time, it sounded angry. That scream was followed by the sound of heavy metal clanging on human bone. “Ok,” Richard gasped, “I'm not jealous anymore. I think we ought to go up there and see what's going on. She never moved her hair. Bobby might have bitten off a little more than he can chew.”

Charles hadn't climbed anything besides a tree in years. It was slow going up that tower. His lungs were fit to bursting when they finally made it into the window. “And I thought,” he puffed, “I was in decent shape!”

“You're not used to swinging into trees and hiking around the woods,” Richard reminded him with a chuckle. The agile bandit had already gotten through before he was half-way up the wall. “Princess Elaine...owwww!” He no sooner started talking than a heavy black frying pan came down on his head, knocking him unconscious instantly.

“That's what you get for thinking you can come up here and ravish me!” Princess Elaine was, indeed, a very beautiful woman. Charles suspected she would be even prettier when her face wasn't the color of a tomato, her blue eyes weren't flashing angrily, and her nostrils didn't flare like a bull's. A ruffly white and lavender peasant gown with a frilly skirt covered in a purple woven apron was skimpy enough to show off perfectly formed porcelain shoulders and long, slender legs.

“Who are you?” She shoved the pan at Charles' nose when he managed to huff through the window. “Why have you come here? Do you desire me? Do you want my magic?”

He stepped back, almost falling over the other two. “Your Highness,” he started, bowing as best he could, “we don't want to hurt you. I sure don't!” His hands went in the air. “We're here to rescue you! We heard your argument with Queen Malade earlier. We heard her slap you.”

Blue eyes as deep as the ocean widened. “You're here to rescue me?” Those eyes dropped down to the pile of men groaning on the floor. “Uh-oh. Maybe I was a little bit hasty with the pan. I thought you were bandits who came to...well...you know!”

“Not at all, Your Highness! At least, not me.” He sighed. “I'm Charles, the minstrel. My friends Bobby and Richard are bandits, but they're not here to ravish you. That I know of.”

Richard groaned as he rolled onto his elbows. “Did someone get the license plate number of the carriage that hit me?”

“I'm so sorry!” Elaine bent over to help them up, giving both men a good view of her ample bosom squeezed into the tight ruffled peasant top. “I thought you were here to hurt me!”

“You seem to have beaten us to it.” Bobby winced as he touched his head. “How can a girl with such a sweet voice be so strong?”

The princess' cheeks turned a delicate shade of rose pink. “You think I have a nice voice?”

“It's the most beautiful I've ever heard.” Bobby took her hand and rubbed her knuckles gently. “I'm Bobby, Your Highness. My boss and our friend and I would never harm a lady. We want to rescue all of the Legendary Princesses.”

“I wish I knew where the rest were!” Her electric smile dropped into a pout. “Malade's convinced I know something about them. That's why she has me here. That, and she wants to take my hair and my magic and everything!”

“We can't let that happen.” He fingered her hair. It was so long, it snaked around the floor and took up most of the tiny room. “We have rope in our packs. My friends could go get it for us.” He gave them a look. “And they could do that now.”

“How do you have such hair?” Charles found the end across the room on a small sofa. “I've never seen anyone's hair grow this long.” He patted his toupee. “Er, would you be willing to share your secrets for getting it to grow like that?”

The princess shrugged. “It's magic hair. As long as I don't cut it, it'll just keep growing.” She returned to Bobby, who wrapped his arms around her waist and gazed into her twinkling eyes.

Richard understood the nods his friend kept giving to the window. “Ohhh. Right. We'll let you two have time alone.” He turned on his smirk as he passed Elaine and her considerable bust. “Very alone.” Charles quickly scrambled after him.

It took them longer than expected to find the rope. They had to take everything out before it could be located. “Not that Bobby probably minds,” Richard chuckled as they repacked their supplies. “I believe he's mad about that girl. I've never seen him this much in love before.”

“That happens to people sometimes.” Charles blushed. “It's never happened to me, but I hope it will, someday.” His eyes roved over Richard's broad backside. “Maybe it already has.”

The light had grown soft and golden when they finally emerged with the rope. “You know,” Charles began as they made their way to the tower, “Bobby should have come back by now. Do you think something might have happened?”

His companion smirked. “I suspect our friend got from a to b with that royal lass.”

They'd just returned to the tower when he noticed the familiar figure in the black cloak climbing Elaine's golden hair. “Malade's coming!” He hastily shoved Richard back into the bushes. “We can't go up there now. There's no time! Bobby's on his own, unless he can get out of there fast.”

Richard narrowed his eyes. “Bobby. If she hurts him or Elaine in any way...”

No sooner had Richard spoken than black light flashed in the window. A pale hand snapped up the golden hair, a gleaming pair of shears in the other. They could clearly hear Bobby yelling in the tower, and two screams, one deeper than the other. Elaine's golden hair was thrown from the window, as if it had been hurled by another hand.

“Something's wrong here.” Richard tucked the rope under his arm. “I'll go first. I've dealt with Malade before.”

“Careful!” Charles gulped as they started up the tower. “I don't want to be turned into a wolf or a pig or a snake or anything else!”

Climbing the tower seemed to take even longer this time. Richard reached the top well before he did. The hair felt different in his arms. Almost like it was attached to an anchor that wasn't nearly as strong as a human head. Black mist oozed out of the window, obscuring his vision and making him feel sick to his stomach. He almost started back down the hair...before he heard Richard's angry shout.

“Bobby!” His fingers grasped the stone window ledge as the voices grew louder. “Malade, what did you do to him?”

“I can't see!” Bobby's lilting voice was laden with pure terror. “There's a shadow there...Elaine, I can't see!”

His elbows were now on the ledge and his lungs were fit to bursting. Malade didn't notice him. She was too focused on Richard, who held his bow and arrow on her. Elaine wept behind him, clutching Bobby...and as he slowly raised an ankle over the window, he noticed that Elaine's golden tresses had been cropped close to her head. A hook in the ledge held the severed locks.

“He deserved what he got for gazing upon a beauty that belonged to me.” He could only see Malade's slender back encased in a cape of fine black spider silk dripping with onyx beads. “He will never look upon her again...and you'll all forfeit your beauty and youth and her magic to me.” Her milk-white hand stroked Richard's chin under the hood. “There's something about you, bandit. You're very familiar to me, and quite easy on the eyes...”

His other foot swung into the room. Richard caught sight of him out of the corner of his eye and gave him an small shake of the head. He couldn't let Malade know he was there. Not now. He was nobody to her, a mere minstrel with no magic or title.

Elaine sobbed over Bobby. “I'm so sorry,” she wailed. “I didn't know she was going to take your sight! It's all my fault!”

“No, it isn't. Elaine, don't do that to yourself.” Bobby's hands searched for her lips. “I couldn't bear to leave you, no matter what Malade says.”

“This is sickening.” Malade held out her hand. “I should take all of your energy right here!”

Charles dropped into the room as silently as possible, then yanked out his lute and strummed the first notes of “Elegance.” “Which,” he snapped, “you have none, Malade. You're a vicious old witch, and I don't care how much power you have!”

“Who are you?” Malade might have been gorgeous, even stunning, with her glossy ebony hair under a black crystal crown and delicately featured face, but her blood-red lips were pursed in anger, and her brow wrinkled as she threw her hands over her ears. “Stop that! I order you! Such music is banned from this land for a reason! I can't stand it!”

An arrow cut straight and true in the Queen's direction. “Oh, lay out!” Richard snarled. “You're in Robin Hood's territory, Your Majesty. My men and I don't approve of you abusing maidens and usurping power. As long as you cling to a throne that isn't yours, we will continue to rob any of your court who passes through on the road.”

“Ri...Robin, come on!” Charles wailed as he scrambled down the braid. “Less gloating, more moving!”

Richard was the last one down. He took his own sword and cut the braid too short to climb. They darted into the woods with their packs before Malade could free herself and find a way to escape.

“Thank you!” Elaine squealed gratefully after they'd fled into Sherwood Forest. “Without you, I could never have gotten out of there.” Her fingers sadly went to her choppy strands. “Even if I did have to give up this.”

“Elaine,” Bobby stumbled, falling to his knees, “I...I'm sorry I couldn't get past Malade. Her magic...” He lay his head on her stomach. “If only I could see you...”

She dropped next to him, her own eyes filling with tears. “There is a way.” Charles gently played a slow “I Believe In You” as they sobbed onto each other. Even Richard wiped his face furiously and grumbled about the sun getting in his eyes.

It was the strangest thing. As Elaine cried, golden light dropped from her tears like glowing rain down a window lit from within. Water gathered around Bobby's dark eyes, washing the shadows clean like a field after a storm. His eyes blinked, and he gave Elaine a huge grin before gathering her into his arms and swinging her around.

“Honey...I can see you!” She giggled as he let her down. “I can see you, and you're a literal sight for sore eyes, I can tell you that!”

She swatted his nose playfully. “Oh, you're terrible!”

Richard shoved between them, before their cutesy flirting made his stomach turn. “If you don't mind my asking, what just happened there? How did you do that?”

“Oh!” Elaine blushed as her fingers went to her hair. “My powers involve healing. I can heal most things by crying or with my hair. Or,” her pretty pink lips went down, “I used to be able to. Malade cut off that part of my magic. She said she needed my hair for some spell...”

“I don't want to know what she's up to.” Richard turned to Bobby. “Can you see the princess safely back to the Fairy Realm? We'll join the others at Andersen Bay.”

The nimble dancer only had eyes for the lovely blonde in his arms. “I'll guard her with my life.”

They all quickly hurried off before Malade could come after them. Bobby lead Elaine into the forest, while Richard and Charles took the path alongside the Grimm Cliffs towards the seaside town of Andersen Bay. They arrived in town just as darkness fell. Charles asked several shopkeepers if they'd seen anyone by the description of Gene, Nipsey, Brett, Bill, and Donald. Richard kept his hood up and tried to look insignificant.

An apple seller with a full cart finally directed them to a little inn on the edge of Andersen Bay. Their friends huddled around the fire in the Inn's common area, with Bill napping on a pillow by fireplace. Charles slid next to Brett on the couch.

“Charles!” She enveloped him in a tight hug. “There you are! I wondered what took you slow-pokes so long. Did you find Elaine? Is she all right? Where's Bobby?”

“Well,” Charles began slowly, “yes and no.” He explained the whole thing, including Elaine's amazing abilities and Malade's threats.

“I knew she was up to something,” Brett grumbled. “She wanted something from each of us, a piece of our magic, so to speak. Been after my looks for years.”

The minstrel burst into laughter. “Why?” His snorts carried over the crackle of the flames. “I mean, you're not ugly, but...”

“Because that's how she survives. She feeds on magic and beauty.” She picked at a loose thread on her tunic. “She doesn't like anyone being more powerful or more beautiful than she is.”

“So I noticed with Elaine.” He chuckled. “It'll be all right. We sent Elaine and Bobby back to the Fairy Realm. Bobby's nuts about her. They'll take care of each other.”

“Good.” She gave him a wicked grin. “Elaine's heart is usually in the right place, but I have no clue where her brain wanders off to. If she actually has one. Bobby will make sure no one else tries to spirit her away.”

He smirked. “The way she wielded that frying pan, I'd be more worried about her doing damage to anyone who tried to touch them!”

Nipsey put his thick palms up to the fire to warm them. “What about Malade? You think she could catch up with us? I can't imagine she's too happy right now. We swiped her tax money and two Legendary Princesses under her nose.”

“I don't think she even knows we're here,” Richard assured them. “As long as we leave tomorrow, we should be able to escape her wrath.”

Gene tugged his ragged orange cloak around his shoulders and put his hands up to the fire. “Brett is earth magic, and Elaine is the healer. I don't know how we're going to find the Princess of Water. Merfolk aren't the friendliest of creatures. They try not to be seen, unless they're singing for passing ships. Even then, most humans can barely catch a glimpse of them.”

Donald leaned dreamily on his rough stool, staring into the fire. “I've heard of mermaids. They're said to be gorgeous creatures with voices like angels who lead men to their doom. I don't think I'd mind being lead to my doom so much if it were with a mermaid!”

“We'll find out tomorrow.” Gene waved his hand at a sailing ship floating at anchor, just a short walk from the Inn. “I booked us passage on the SS Goodman-Tobman first thing in the morning. It'll take us to Hans-by-the-Sea, where we'll ask about the other Princesses and the King.”

Fairy Tale Blank, Part 9

Indeed, early the next morning – too early, if you asked Charles – they stepped on to the good ship Goodman-Tobman. It wasn't made of lollipops, but it was as fine and sturdy of a vessel that ever floated on the Andersen Bay. The sun was barely over the clear blue waters as he somehow stumbled up the gangplank without ending up in the bay. Richard was so reluctant to leave his bed, Nipsey had to carry him up the flimsy wooden plank on his back.

The first half of the voyage was pleasant for Charles. He'd taken boats to singing jobs many times and never got the least bit seasick. Nipsey and Donald made friends with all the sailors and taught them ribald poems and jokes. Richard lent a hand to the Captain, helping him chart their course. The crew was wary of having a woman on board at first, but Brett soon charmed them by singing shanties in her foghorn voice and helping them with their chores. Bill and Gene spent the time leaning over the sides, heaving their lunches and regretting the entire journey.

One morning, when they were half-way across Andersen Bay, Charles was enjoying the salty sea air on the main deck when he saw Brett laughing with three sailors, who toasted her good name and slender legs. He made a face as she downed half a bottle of rum.

“How can you drink that stuff?” He complained when the sailors were called to swab the decks. “Your stomach must be made of cast-iron.”

“It might do you some good to lighten up a little, Charlie my boy.” She handed the rest of the bottle to a thirsty-looking swab with a silver beard as thick as his neck. “This is the most fun I've had since my sons and I stuck a firecracker down Ira's pants at Password Palace.”

His eyes went down to the clear blue waters, watching the boat glide past silvery fish and squawking seagulls. “Why didn't you tell me you're a princess?”

“I didn't want my stepmother to figure out where I was. She has a magic mirror that allows her to see everyone and everything everywhere. I can only avoid her for so long.” She sighed as two fish leaped over a wave, moving as one. “And maybe I was enjoying not being royalty for once. It was nice to be treated like one of the guys, instead of a Legendary Princess.”

He grinned. “Well, with that skinny figure, you'll always be one of the guys to me.”

“Thanks.” Her lips turned up in a smirk. “And I'll always think of you whenever I see a noble with a bad toupee in the palace.”

They continued to watch the fish leap around them in silence, with only the shanties the sailors sang and the wind whistling across the sails in the background. Charles was going to ask her more about Jack and her powers when they heard a splash. Brett's head shot up off her palm. “What in the hell was that?”

“Donald fell overboard!” Nipsey ran over with a coil of rope over his broad shoulders. “He wanted to see how the rigging worked and was climbing around when he slipped off.”

“He can't swim!” Richard hurried out of the Captain's cabin and grabbed a life preserver. “We need to toss this down, fast!”

Brett and Charles leaned over the side as Nipsey tied one side of the rope to the boat. “Where is he?” she demanded, her eyes scanning the glassy bay. “I don't think he went to the bottom.”

Charles pointed to a log as it floated towards the ship. “There he is!” A blur in ginger and blue pushed the log towards the ship, then dove back in the bay. Maybe he was imagining things, but he swore an azure fish tail glimmered against the sun for a few minutes before it vanished beneath the water.

“Donald!” Richard called down to him as he and Nipsey grabbed the line. “Hold on!”

“Are you all right?” Brett asked as she and Charles helped him over the rail. “You took a real dive there.”

Donald blinked for a few minutes, his face dazed and dreamy. “I was saved by a goddess. She had long beautiful hair, red like flame, and curves that just made you go crazy, and this glowing blue tail..”

“A goddess?” Richard raised an eyebrow. “With a fish tail?”

“Aye, lad,” one crusty silver-maned sailor insisted, “there's plenty of merfolk living deep under the waters of the bay. They don't usually come out long enough to give anyone a glimpse of them. You're a fortunate man.” He nearly fell over Donald, a bottle of rum cradled in his arm. “Very fortunate, if you know...hic!...what I mean.”

“Whew!” Brett waved the fumes from the big fellow out to the bay. “Why don't we all go have lunch, before Foster leaves us drunk on his breath?”

“Nahh.” Donald leaned on the railing. “I think I'll stay out here for a while. Maybe I'll see her again.”

She shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

He never did see his “goddess” again on the week-long journey, though he remained by the rail for almost the entire rest of the trip. Richard or Brett would have to drag him away for meals or to sleep. At least once a day, he'd excitedly claim he'd had a glimpse of her, only for it to turn out to be a leaping fish or floating piece of flotsam.

It was a bright and sunny morning when the boat spotted Hans-by-the-Sea. Donald was the first one to bounce down the gangplank the second they lowered it onto the pier. Brett and Charles followed Gene down next, with Bill nervously on their heels. Richard and Nipsey stayed behind to pay the Captain for their voyage and thank him for taking them.

“What now?” Charles asked as they made their way towards the sandy, quiet beach. “Ok, we're here. How are we going to find this Princess Patti?”

Bill shook the sand off his paws. “Maybe she'll find us.”

“If she's a mermaid,” Richard reminded them, “she can't exactly walk up to us and say 'hi, I'm a princess!' You said mermaids are shy folk. Not to mention, we have to be careful. Malade may still be watching us.”

“I can try to look into the water, see what magical beings in other parts of the kingdom are doing. Including Malade.” Gene made a face. “At least, I hope I still can.” He waved the wooden wand, which cast no more light. “Malade stole most of my magic before she trapped me in that darn tree. I'm not sure what I can do anymore.”

Donald ignored their arguing and wandered down the beach, calling for merfolk and checking under rocks. Bill nosed under what he thought were rocks, but ended up howling when a grumpy crab pinched the end of his muzzle. “I need you to do me a favor.” He asked after dislodging the crab from his nose. “I know you say you're human...but for now, let's say you can sniff things better than we can. Could you sniff up a mermaid?”

“I don't know. I don't know what a mermaid smells like.” Bill dug his long nose into the sandy shore. “I can sure give it a try, though. It's better than standing here all day, arguing about it.”

Donald followed Bill and his snuffling nose down the beach, past the piers and ships. Once in a while, he'd point at something, but it would only be a rock or a piece of driftwood. They'd gone a few minutes towards the pier when Bill stopped, pressing his nose harder to the ground.

“I smell...” He pushed towards a lump of sand, dried seaweed, and old sail fabric. “I smell fish. And something else. Something almost human, but not really...more like fish.” His paws threw sand all over, just as the lump started moving.

“Holy catfish, I think it's her!” Donald dropped down and dug around the other side. His frantic shoveling revealed a young woman with gingery red hair down her back, long bangs that hid eyes framed by thick dark lashes, and a curvy body that was barely hidden by the tarp. “It's my goddess! She's here!” He barely managed to get her into his arms. Her long legs nearly dragged the ground. “Guys!” His attempts to wave at the others and drag her over nearly landed him face-first in the sand. “I found her! I found the lady who rescued me! At least, I think it is!”

Nipsey jumped over first. “Need a hand there?” He easily swung the lady into his arms...then turned tomato-red when he realized she wasn't wearing anything under the tarp. “Maybe we ought to get her some clothes or somethin'. Poor lady's gonna be arrested for indecency.”

“Here.” Donald spread the tarp over her before giving her a quick kiss. “At least she won't be cold!”

“Let's get her out of here.” Gene nodded and headed towards the near-by street. “We might be able to find out more about where she comes from and who she is in town.”

They found an inn a few blocks from the wharf that seemed reasonably priced and with a minimum of bugs and rodents. Charles and Donald agreed to wash and look after the young woman, while the others went into town for supplies and to inquire after her.

Brett came into her room a few hours later with an armful of clothing. “I hope something out of this pile will fit her. I found stuff that should work for you, too.” Her tattered brown tunic had been replaced by a black top over a yellow blouse, with a red and yellow striped skirt and a red apron. A scarlet scarf held back her thick curls. “If we're going to continue to travel, we need to fit in better. Right now, we look like bandits and scullery maids.”

Charles wrinkled his nose. “I hope they have something better in that pile than what you're wearing. You look like a walking circus tent.”

“Thanks. You look like a bird's nest today.” She ruffled his toupee. “I wouldn't go near trees. The birds might decide to make you their new home.”

“Hey!” He tried to smooth down his wig. “I just fixed that!”

Even as they spoke, the redhead under the quilt on the bed was beginning to stir. “Guys, shush!” Donald waved his cigar at them. “She's finally up! I can't wait to hear her!”

She stretched and yawned...but oddly, the yawn didn't make any sound. Nor did she gasp or yell when she noticed two men and an older woman staring at her. She scrunched down under the blanket and wrapped herself into a lump again.

“Whoa!” Brett shoved Donald off the bed and sat in his place. “Don't scare the poor girl! She washed up on the beach, for heaven's sake.” Tugging at the blanket only produced a bit of movement. “Honey, it's all right. You can come out. I promise, these jokers won't stare at your bosoms any longer than they ought to.”

“Aw miss.” Charles settled on her other side as she slowly emerged from her knitted cocoon. “We didn't mean to frighten you. Well, except for Brett. She probably scares most people, with that puss.” Brett swiped at the back of his head, almost taking off his toupee.

Donald ignored them, grabbing her hand over Brett's head. “You have to tell me all about yourself. Do you like jokes? I got a million jokes. Why did you rescue me? You have to be her. You look exactly the way she would look if she were on land and laying in this bed and giving me the big puppy dog eyes.”

The lady gave his hand a hesitant squeeze...but when she opened her mouth to reply, nothing came out. “I'd say 'cat got your tongue,' but maybe 'catfish' would be more likely, given where we found you.” Brett admitted with a sigh. “I guess you can't tell us how you ended up on that beach.”

“Well, judging by the length her legs and the way she was hiding under the sand,” Donald grinned, “I'd say she swam up there, then decided she needed a nap. Sand is hot stuff, if you walk on it barefoot in the middle of the day.” Her only response was to shrug. She lifted a long, pale leg and tried to pull it back. “Yeah, you got nice gams.” Donald patted her shapely white limb. “You shouldn't mess around with them that way, though. They almost look like a fish tail.”

“A fish tail?” Charles exclaimed. “You don't look like a fish to me. I mean, I've never seen a mermaid outside of books...”

“If you're her,” Donald started, “why do you have legs? The lady who rescued me had a tail that was kind of greenish-blue-purple.”

Brett put an arm around the frightened young woman. “Why don't you boys go annoy Gene for a while? I need to get her dressed. Find out when we're leaving, and if they've made any progress asking about the merfolk yet.” The woman pointed to herself when she mentioned merfolk.

“I think she's it.” Her eyes widened as Donald very nearly tackled her. “Brett can get you dressed, and we can explore the marketplace together. Have a nice seafood lunch. What do you say?” She gave him a wide, goofy grin, the most enthusiasm she'd showed since awakening.

The second she pressed her foot onto the floor, the smile vanished. “Are you all right?” Donald grabbed her arm when her face screwed up in pain. “Let me help you.” She waved him off and managed to get to her feet, clutching the night stand for support.

Brett finally shooed the two men outside before they could get even more of an eyeful of her naked and voluptuous body. “And stay out! I'll bring her around when she's ready.”

It seemed to take hours for them to finish, but it was really only twenty minutes later when Brett and the woman emerged into the hall. “Oh wow.” Donald nearly swallowed his cigar. “You're...pretty. No, more than that. You're...really...cute. And beautiful. And...very...very...blue.”

She nearly turned as red as her hair at the compliment. Brett found her a sea blue skirt and blouse, with a black velvet bodice and a blue bow for her flaming red tresses. Donald kissed her hand as best he could, which meant mashing his lips into her knuckle and accidentally blowing smoke in her face. She didn't seem to mind waving the smoke away.

Fairy Tale Blank, Part 10

The marketplace was a few blocks from the inn. Everywhere they looked, people bustled around carts and wagons, jostling and bargaining for the best prices on anything that could be sold. Gene leaned on one of the stalls, flirting with a pretty blond in a red and green brocade peasant's dress. He was saying “I think I could get you a spot at the court, dear,” when another man, somewhat shorter and younger, with short, shiny black hair and a wide – and slightly annoyed – smile joined them. He had a red apron embroidered with green flowers over his pristine striped blouse and hose.

“Ahem.” The man pushed between Gene and the girl. “May I help you? Janice,” he added to the young woman, “why don't you go model that dress for the ladies on the other end of the booth? And tell them we don't sell furs here.” She went to join a dark-haired girl with a wide white smile and a slender chestnut-haired beauty in a cowgirl's hat.

Brett and Charles joined him as the girl went to show off her fancy pink gown to two rich older women. “Good gravy Marie, Gene, can't we let you out of our sight for five minutes?” Brett sighed and turned to the faintly amused shopkeeper. “Sir, whatever he said to the girl, he didn't mean it.”

“Actually,” Charles added quickly, “we wanted to ask about a young woman who was washed up on the beach this morning.” He nodded at Donald and the woman, who strolled arm in arm across the plaza, laughing over some particularly ribald joke of his.

“I didn't hear about shipwrecks or anything sinking,” the shopkeeper admitted. “The weather's been sunny for weeks.” He patted a tall silver metal rectangle with handles on the front. “Now, if I could interest you in a bid on this fine icebox. It could be yours if the price is right...”

Brett backed slowly away from him. “Not now. Thank you anyway.” She pushed Charles away, making a face. “At least we know she didn't come off a shipwreck.”

He frowned as they made their way across the square to the others. “Then where did she come from?”

Gene pulled away from another stall, joining them in an alley behind the marketplace. “Any luck in figuring out who the lady is and where she's from?”

Brett shook her head, making her thick black curls bob. “Nope. No shipwrecks or bad weather.”

“I haven't had much luck, either.” Gene sighed. “There's only one way we're going to figure out what happened. I'll have to read the reflections.”

Charles raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Gene,” she choked, “I've tried to avoid doing that. She can see us that way...”

“And we can see her. It's the only way we'll figure out what she's done with the princess and king. I should have enough power in me left to do that, at least.” They leaned over a barrel of rainwater as he thrust his wand into the tiny ripples. The more he stirred, the less they saw of their own reflections. “Yes...” he murmured as images began to form, “here they come...”

Black and green dragons, lizard-like monsters with fiery breath and wings that spanned entire ships, soared in the silver-gray clouds behind the golden towers of Password Palace. As the image became clearer, it entered the a window under the tower, traveling past ornate rooms done in black and blood red, up to one of the towers. Gene closed his eyes, focusing on the next image, that of a pale, beautiful woman in a heavy silk gown of deep sea-blue with a stiff needle-like collar and sea-stone trim.

Malade stormed into the rose-laden, smirking at a bedraggled figure with thick spectacles and snow white hair who lay on the antique bed near the back wall. “That's another princess down,” she snapped, “four more and three champions to go. I can't believe I let that bimbo Elaine out of my sight for an instant! I won't make the same mistake with this one.”

“Allen!” Gene's gravely voice jammed in his throat. “I don't know how I got him instead of the vision I wanted, but I'm glad we know where he is now.”

The older man with the dirt-smeared face narrowed his gentle blue eyes. “What do you want? I refuse to marry you or share my kingdom with you. I know what you did to the Summerlands.”

“I could make it worth your while, you know.” Her rear, encased in the figure-hugging silk gown, snuggled in his lap. “You're not unattractive for your age. If you'd just tell me where your wife and the other Legendary Princesses are, we could, perhaps, work something out?” Her fingers, with their heavy silver and turquoise rings, wound through his snowy waves. “Split the kingdoms down the middle. A little for me, a little for you. What do you say?”

He shoved her off as hard as he could, even with his own limbs bound by thick iron chains attached to the wall. “Weren't you listening? The password is 'no.' Forget it. Never. Not in a million years would I even share a drink of water with you. As for Betty and the Legendary Princesses, I have no idea where they are. If Betty's alive, there's no way she'd let you find her. She's clever that way. She'll stay hidden until she's good and ready to come out.”

The evil queen stood and dusted herself off, her eyes glaring red-hot daggers. “Keep talking, and you may end up as a lawn ornament, like your friend Prince Jack.”

“Why did you do that to him?” King Allen snapped. “Jack's a grump and a hot-head, but he was no threat to you, not with his wife and sons under your thumb.”

“He's one of the princesses' champions. He's more of a threat than you realize.” Charles didn't like the nasty smirk that spread across her face. “I dealt with one such suitor in the Summerlands several months ago, and I'll join my new trolls across the lake momentarily to eliminate another.”

“What suitor?” Allen nearly rose from his cot. “Who else have you attacked?”

“None of your business.” She turned her back on him. “I'll leave you here to think over my generous offer while I retrieve Princess Patti and her, er, champion.”

“Patti. Wait. She's one of the mer-people, the Legendary Princess of Water.” One eye arched under the spectacles. “How did you get to her? Most merfolk keep to themselves.”

Malade pinched his cheek. “I have my ways.” He shoved her hand away and rubbed his face.

“Uh, lady boss?” The ape-like creature with the shaggy dark brown fur who lumbered over looked strangely familiar. He had a wide toothpaste smile and twinkling brown eyes that were almost...human. “My...troops...ready to leave...when...”

“Right about now, Sir Gautier. Take Sir Walden and round up the demons.” She swung from the troll to the angry man struggling in his chains. “One more time. Marry me...or when I return, you'll suffer the same fate as your guards and Prince Jack.” Allen turned away from her, his eyes focused on the wall. “Fine. I'll leave you to think it over.” She stormed out of his cell, leaving him in total darkness.

The moment the ripples smoothed out, Gene fell back against the stone wall. “That took a lot out of me,” he panted. “It never used to. I could knock out two or three visions a day without breaking a sweat!”

“You'll be fine in a few days.” Brett slung his arm around her shoulder. “Come on. We have to get Patti out of here, before Malade shows up with a bunch of flying leatherheads. We can tell the others we know where the king is, too.”

They met with Richard, Bill, and Nipsey on the quiet residential street behind the marketplace. “So, how did your morning go?” Richard held up a fat purse with a smirk. “We did some, er, discreet stealing. Just from the richer folks. They probably didn't even notice their money was gone.”

Nipsey grinned. “And I know where it can go. I have a cousin who lives in the Kingdom of Columbia Eye. She might be willing to give us a place to stay while we figure out where the rest of these Princesses are.”

“I snitched a bag of sandwiches and bottles of tea some guy left on a table.” The little wolf dropped the bag in Richard's hand. “I call the pastrami on rye!”

“We have to hire a carriage, buy supplies, and get the hell out of here.” Brett made a face. “Don't ask us how we found out, but Malade is on her way here, and let's just say she's not coming for a seaside vacation.”

“In that case, we need to get going,” Gene croaked, leaning heavily on Charles. “Where's Donald and his new friend?”

Richard shrugged. “Last I saw, they were having lunch at the seafood booth in the marketplace.”

The two sat at a wrought-iron table near the booth as they arrived. Donald watched with a wide grin as the young woman consumed lobster, crabs, and mussels by the plateful, without cracking them open. “Isn't she amazing? I love a woman with a good appetite!” She let out a soundless burp before patting her lips with the tablecloth. “And she's got those manners things, too!”

“Patti?” Gene put his arm on the lass' shoulder, making her nearly jump out of her seat. “Is there any way you can tell us the truth? We know who you are, but not how or why you ended up on the surface.”

Patti's big blue eyes gazed furtively all around her before sticking her finger into a mug of iced tea. “Hey!” Donald protested. “That's my drink!”

She waved him away, adding a few particles of sand from the ground under them. “I didn't know you could read tea leaves, lass,” Richard snickered. “That might actually be useful. I wouldn't mind figuring out where the king is, for one thing.”

“We're way ahead of you on that one. Malade has him.” Brett pushed between Richard and the woman, shoving the plate of empty shells aside. “Patti, tell us how Malade got to you, before she shows up and we all end up dead or in jail at Holly Woods.”

It was harder to see the reflection in the cup, but with some jostling and shoving and cursing, they all managed to move in and take a closer look...

The mermaid with the gleaming turquoise tail and tiara made of precious pearls glided into the underwater cavern. Slimy seaweed and thick polyps curtained the stifling hole and grabbed at her waving tresses. Her voice sent three fish with sharp teeth scuttling off in a hurry, while she pushed away eels that tried to shock her with a mini underwater whirlpool.

“Hello, my pretty one,” purred a familiar throaty voice from within the hole. “What brings no less than the Princess of Pacifica to my domain?”

Patti raised a gingery eyebrow. “I didn't think you would have heard of me. I'd never heard of you before...well, before this.”

Long black fingernails fingered potions in clay jars that looked like they'd been brought from the surface. “Let's not beat around the coral. You have something you want...or someone. A human. You've fallen in love with a human.”

“Yeah, I know.” Patti bit her lip. “Dad and every other mermaid in the entire kingdom told me to forget him. They don't get it. I saw him with the other humans on that giant piece of driftwood they ride. He's funny, he's nice, he's even kind of smart.”

“Allow me to repeat the part about him being human.” She made a face. “You are a mermaid. He can't live underwater. Humans need to breathe air. If you tried to live on land, you'd be a curiosity at best, part of a freak show at worst.”

Patti tugged her arm. “Then you need to make me like them. Make it so I can walk on the land, just for a little while. Long enough to see him.”

“I can't do it without a little compensation.” Even Patti moved back as a mermaid as pale as death, her tail so blue it was almost black, glided into view. Dark eyes glittered in the shadowy hole. “I ask for only one thing. Your voice.”

The mermaid threw a hand over her throat. “Ok, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. How am I going to tell him how I feel and that I was the one who saved him?”

“Ever heard of sign language? It's a little something humans who can't speak use. You're a...creative...girl. You can figure it out.” She handed Patti a heavy jar made of coral. “However, if you do become human, you're giving up more than your voice and tail. You'll never see your family again. Every time you walk on land, it will be like stepping on sharp knives...but if you're truly in love, you'll never feel a thing.”

She shrugged. “I just want to laugh with him. What's so hard about that?”

“You only have three weeks to do it.” The mer-witch shoved the jar into her hand. “After the third week, your soul will be bound to me.”

Patti made a face. “Sounds kind of final, doesn't it?”

There were snorts as the mer-witch shoved harder, her perfect porcelain brow wrinkling in annoyance. “Oh, just drink the damn thing!”

“Well, all right.” Patti lifted the jug to her lips. “You don't need to shout. I can hear you.”

No sooner had it passed through her lips than she gasped, rearing back like a fearful horse on land. Shadows swallowed the next part as the witch grabbed at her throat, coming out with a blue mist that wafted into a shell on the witch's neck. Then, a flash of black mist as Patti paddled towards the surface, then...nothing. The witch vanished, and the reflection faded into the black mist.

“Damn it to all hell!” Brett threw her arms around the shaking young woman. “Malade. It was her. I'd know her anywhere. She got to you, too.”

Donald kissed her cheek. “I don't care if you can't talk. I've never had a girl give up her tail just to be with me.” Patti turned red all over again, from the roots of her ginger hair right down to her toes.

“At least we we have two of the Princesses, and another is in a safe place.” Gene tightened his hold on the back of a chair to keep him upright. “Now we just have to find the other three.”

They'd purchased a fine old chestnut mare and small carriage from a carriage seller in the marketplace when a buzzing sound drowned out his attempts to sell them a lifetime warranty. “What's that?” Charles winced and covered his ears. “Sounds like every bee in the kingdom decided that this is the world's largest hive!”

Patti tugged at Donald, pointing at the sky. “Holy cow!” His mouth dropped open so far, his cigar fell out. “Those are some damn big bees!”

“They're not bees.” Charles drew back in horror as black clouds of leathery creatures blotted out the sun. “They're trolls! Trolls and demons!”

Bill howled and dove under the carriage. “Hide me! She's come back for me! She's gonna make me a pack animal!”

“If anything,” Brett made a face, “she's probably after Patti and me.”

Patti broke away just as the creatures landed. Charles gasped at their gaping jaws filled with dagger teeth and claws as long as a human arm. Some growled and snarled and almost walked on their meat slab hands and arms, while others spoke and moved more like people. They were great shaggy beasts, covered with coarse fur the colors of dust and mud. Leathery wings blew booths to bits and knocked over tables, chairs, and shoppers.

Bill quivered under a cart, his long whiskers twitching. “I don't want to go back! I'm not going back! I won't!”

Terror gripped Charles so hard, he couldn't move. “I...I...I...” Trolls with long, leathery arms took a whack at him, sending him sprawling on the cobblestone street. Another yanked his lute out of his arms. “No, wait,” he begged. “Please! That's my livelihood!” The largest, a great brute with rippling arms and a mossy green beard, easily picked him up and threw him into a cart.

Plants sold in clay pots in the square suddenly grew vines and wrapped around the trolls, lifting them into the air and hurling them at the bay. Brett dashed in front of him, the vines following her. “You'll have to get through me first!” The trolls stared at her with blank expressions for a few minutes before one lifted her into his arms, letting her squirm against his coarse hair. “Damn it, put me down! You smell like rotting garbage!”

Streams of water slammed into the trolls, knocking the remaining ones into a booth selling pies across the way. “Nice work, Patti.” Brett nodded as the doe-eyed redhead pulled her hand out of the now-empty rain barrel. She took off the second the troll dropped her, emerging only slightly damp. “Could you do that again?” Demons with wide leather wings and outstretched claws soared over their heads, landing on Brett and grabbing her arms. “Don't you even, you overgrown leather bags!” she screamed as she struggled.

“Hey!” Charles leaped unthinkingly onto the creature's back. “Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not nice to mess with a lady?” He wrapped his hands around its eyes, squeezing its torso as tight as he could. “Or even Brett?”

The creature flung Charles into a pile of apples as an arrow pierced its wing. “Charles, run!” Richard's shots were barely visible before they hit the demon in its sinewy leg and side. “Take the women and get out of here!”

As Charles helped Brett to her feet, a carriage careened around a corner. Flashes of light shot out of the back, hitting every demon within firing range. The lights writhed around them, and when they subsided, the demons now had long wooden noses that sprouted leaves and flower garlands around their wrists and arms.

“Oh dear,” Gene grumbled from the carriage's bed. “I wanted to just stop them long enough for us to leave, not go the Pinocchio route!”

“Be glad they're stopped for now.” Donald lifted Patti over the boards and into his arms. “All aboard for points west, including Grimmsville, Columbia Eye, and Villenveuve!”

Richard shot off his remaining arrows at newly-arriving demons. “You get going! I'll cover you!”

“Are you sure, boss?” Nipsey frowned as he tugged on the reigns. “We're gonna need ya if the demons follow us.”

Bill howled from the bottom of the carriage. “Oooh, I'm feeling sick already! Do you have to go so fast? Some of us have very delicate canine stomachs!”

“I can't go now, either.” Charles made a face. “I have to get my lute back!”

Richard was about to shoot another demon when a clawed hand tugged him from the back. “Boss...go. Get out. Find...help...”

“Orson?” The lean troll did somewhat resemble his friend, with dark eyes, a wide smile, and a jutting chin. “What have they done to you?” That coarse fur, the same light brown as Orson's hair, now grew wild and shaggy over his body. Sharp nails grabbed hold of his arm.

“Boss...go!” He shoved him towards the carriage before his friend could ask more questions. “I'll...hold...them...off!”

Brett fought with the demon who held Charles' lute. “Give me that!” she heaved. “You can't sing, and unless you intend to use your nails as picks, you can't play this thing, either.”

She fell back when the demon suddenly released the guitar, his anguished howl nearly rupturing her ear drums. “Princess Brett...we'll help...here...” The demon towered over her, his broad shoulders and toothy grin dripping with coarse dark-brown hair, as he handed her the instrument. “I'm still...your guard...let me...do my job...”

Another demon, slightly smaller and with fluffier brown fur and a nasal Yorkalia accent, tugged on the other's arm. “We'll get...into trouble...the queen will beat us...”

“Sir Walden....doesn't matter...” Sir Gautier looked as quickly as he could over his shoulder. “Skutch...coming...take Sir Dawson...leave...”

“I'm not going without you!” Brett frowned, clutching the guitar. “I have to change you back somehow, or Gene can...”

Dick shook his head. “Can't...magic not strong enough...hurry!” Horses hooves beat the pavements, bringing in carriages much larger and more ornate than the one they rented. “Go now!”

“I think the nice demon wants us to leave,” Charles puffed. “I don't blame him.” He slung his lute over his back, then grabbed Brett's hand. “Let's get out of here, before we run into Skutch or more demons who aren't our friends and bodyguards!”

Fairy Tale Blank, Part 11

It took longer to get out than they'd hoped. They stuck to dark back alleys and narrow old streets where they could stay hidden from the Queen's remaining trolls and demons. It was nearly dark before they made their way out to the scrub forests that lined the roads around the Kingdom of Columbia Eye.

“It's so dark here.” Brett shivered as the wind blew across their shoulders, making the pines rattle and bristle. “Even the woods in Nerdocrumbesia never get this dark!”

“I'll admit, I'm a bit nervous,” Richard muttered as he clutched his bow. “These woods are different from Sherwood Forest. The trees there are mostly ancient oaks and firs, not new pine and juniper like these, and the ground isn't as sandy. I don't know them as well as my own lands.”

Brett placed her hand on a tree and winced as black light mingled with the green. “It's not strong here, but there's dark magic in these woods...and that dark magic is very close-by.” She drew in a breath as the black mist imbued her green light with a sickly evil glow. “No...no!” She jumped back as if she'd been bitten. “It's black magic, magic I know too well.”

“Your stepmother again?” Charles gulped. “I wish there was something I could do to stop her. I'm no warrior. All I can do is play my lute and sing and act.”

“And that,” Richard reminded him as he cut a tree limb away with his knife, “may be more of a weapon than my own bow and arrow. Remember, she hates anything that can make people happy or really feel anything besides what she dictates they feel. Your music and performing makes people happy, and it's beautiful to see.”

Brett kissed his cheek. “So don't be so hard on yourself,” she chuckled. “You have a lot to offer. Even if you are a slob. Why don't you ever wear socks with your shoes?”

“It's easier for me to dance that way, and far more comfortable on my feet. I'm often dancing and singing for hours at a time.” He tugged at her stiff curls. “What about you? I'm certain this isn't your own hair. Do you even have any?”

“Yes, I do!” She yanked her head away, nearly falling over a branch. “I wear a wig to look younger. People expect my skin to be snow white, not my hair.” As she turned, her skirts snagged on a bramble bush. “Oh good gravy Marie! These damn woods are out to get me!”

“Let me help.” Richard appeared at Brett's side first. “It's just caught on a thorn.” He cut it away with his knife, leaving a sharp tear. “I'm afraid it's not the most presentable at court, but we could always fix it later.”

They all jumped at a growl that seemed to come from the direction of her stomach. “Look, I think that was an indication that I'm starved. You boys probably are, too. Not to mention, we need somewhere to stay for the night. There's no way we can sleep out here. Who knows what animals live in those bushes?”

Charles rushed ahead on the path while Richard aided Brett. “I found it!” he yelped, his voice going up an octave in delight. “I found the perfect place for us to stay. It's even made of food! We can sleep and have dinner at the same time!”

The path lead directly to a peculiar little house in the middle of a clearing. It was the most delicious house Charles ever saw, all made of gingerbread and candy. Pastel sugar wafers made up the roof, with a chimney of chocolate brick and windows made of hard candy. The panes were licorice twists, and the front and back doors were hard toffee outlined in colored cream. Rows of glistening lollipops lined the walkway. Gumdrops lead to a yard around back; he could see a clay bread oven on the edge of the property.

“You guys have to try this!” Charles got there first and dipped his hands into the cream. “Hey, this is really good! Equal to the finest confectioner in Yorkalia City!”

Richard looked down at his stomach. “Am I that hungry?” Another rumble shook his trim belly. “Yes, yes I am!” He slung his bow over his shoulder and dashed down the road, joining Charles at the front stoop. “It smells so good!”

“Have some window! It's delicious!” Charles stuffed his face with spun sugar, holding out a rope of red licorice. “You'll love it. It's so filling!”

Brett shook her head, shivering despite the warm afternoon. “I don't think we should be here, fellas. The whole house reeks of black magic. I don't care how hungry I am. There has to be another place nearby to get dinner.”

“Oh, come on, Brett!” Richard leaned around the corner, a sugar wafer from the roof in one hand. “Don't look a gift house in the mouth. We'll have dinner, then we'll leave.”

Even as Charles broke off another piece of the window, he heard a sweet old voice from just beyond it. “Nibble, nibble, like a mouse,” the voice creaked, “who's been nibbling at my house?”

“It's the wind,” he called from the porch, “blowing through the trees!”

“Please,” Brett begged, “there's someone there. We shouldn't be eating their house. Besides, the others have to be worried about us.”

Before she could grab Charles' arm, the door opened. A tiny old lady, bent and fragile, waddled slowly onto the stoop. Her rusty gown of deep pink and green and embroidered apron hung off her skinny body like a shroud. “Well, hello there!” She gave Charles a toothless grin. “Who are you? I haven't had the pleasure of visitors in a long, long time!”

He swallowed before going to her side. “I'm Charles of Yorkalia, mistress. I'm sorry my friend and I ate your house, but we've wandered in the woods for hours, and we're terribly hungry!”

“What's going on?” Richard licked a half-finished candy cane as he came from the other window. “Well, hello there, mistress.” He bowed with a wide smile and kissed her hand. “My name is...er, Robin. My friends Master Charles and Mistress Brett and I are newcomers to these woods, and I'm afraid we're lost. We need to find our way to the Kingdom of Columbia Eye.”

Her giggles sounded just a bit forced. “Oh, what a sweet young man you are! And so very handsome! I could eat a handsome fellow like you up, yes, I could!” It took her a few moments, but she opened the door a bit wider. “The woods are no place to be stranded after nightfall. I have a fine meal all ready. Why don't you stay here for the night? You can start out fresh in the morning.”

Brett remained firmly on the path. “I really don't think this is a good idea. There's something about you I don't trust. I still sense black magic. Familiar black magic. I think I know you...and you're not my favorite person.”

“Brett, stop being a wet blanket.” Charles took the old woman's bony arm. “This is a perfectly nice old lady, and she could use some company for dinner. Have a heart!” Richard took her other arm and helped her inside, with Brett following slowly behind.

Charles never tasted better food. The spindly little table in the center of the main room was laden with every edible treat he'd ever seen, from steaming hot ham with pineapple rings to green beans and carrots slathered with butter to mountains of roasted potatoes and gravy. He and Richard ate heartily, but Brett barely picked at her ham and remained unusually quiet for her.

The old lady lead the trio to two soft beds made of fluffy cotton candy in a smaller room. “I'll let Mistress Brett sleep in my room,” she cooed. “There's plenty of space. Have a pleasant evening, gentlemen. I'll see you for breakfast.”

Richard yawned and stretched as he leaned his bow and empty quiver against the wall, next to Charles' lute. “I wonder what got into Brett? Maybe this woman isn't gorgeous, but she's been nothing but kind to us. I suppose even Legendary Princesses let their imaginations run away with them now and then.”

“She probably had too much ale in town.” The taller minstrel sighed settled into his downy blankets. “I don't know, Rich.” He let out a yawn that nearly dislocated his jaw. “I feel....really sleepy. I didn't realize we'd...walked...so much...” But Richard was already gone, snoring in the other bed. “Night, Rich.” He managed to lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek before dropping into a dreamless slumber.

It seemed like minutes before vicious hands grabbed his shoulder and shook him back into wakefulness. “Get up, you little ass,” the voice hissed. “You're going to be breakfast for my trolls in a few days!”

His eyes widened as Malade, the woman who sheared off Princess Elaine's hair and tried to hit on King Allen, shoved him towards the door. She'd traded her blue silk for a lace-trimmed gown of emerald green, the collar stiff enough to poke his eye out. “What's going on? Let go of me! Rich...Robin! Brett! Help!”

Her hand flew over his mouth, stifling his cries. “Shut up, troublemaker! Your precious princess and dashing rogue can't help you now! I made sure of that!”

Two trolls dragged him out to a tree in the back yard, where heavy iron cages hung off thick branches. Richard sat forlornly in the closer of the two. Charles found himself shoved into the other. “They got you, too?” the outlaw grumbled. “Those charming blokes of hers nearly killed me with their breath this morning before they tossed me in here.”

“Where's Brett?” Charles demanded. “What did you do with her?”

Richard tried to grab at her between the bars. “If you've harmed her in any way...”

One of the trolls flung Brett into the yard, ignoring her wild struggles. “You got what you wanted,” she hissed as she reached for the nearest tree. “Let them go. They have nothing you want. It's me you're after.”

“Uh-uh, Snow White.” The two men yelped as the wicked witch pulled a pair of iron cuffs out of her pocket. “We can't having you using magic. That wouldn't be fair.” One of the trolls wrapped its beefy limbs around Brett, allowing Malade to slap the cuffs on her wrists. “Now we're on more level playing ground.” She squeezed one of her arms so hard, her fingers left purple bruises. “You will prepare the finest meals for your skinny musician friend. He's to be fattened into a meal for my trolls.”

Richard narrowed his eyes. “What about me?” he growled.

Charles most definitely did not like the amorous gleam in Malade's eyes. “You're very handsome, woodsman,” she purred, stroking his cheek. “It's surprising some lovely lady hasn't snapped you up before.”

“She did, once,” he muttered. “Lady Diana left me and our children high and dry when she returned to Britannica. My sons are with their uncle and aunt on the other side of Nerdocrumbesia.”

“I could fill that gap.” Her fingers roamed freely around his chest as her eyes gazed deeply into his. “Rumor has it that the poor of this country regard you as their champion and, dare I say it, greatest hero. It would make sense for a hero and a queen to join forces.”

“Never!” Richard shoved her away with all the strength he could muster. “I would never marry an evil crone like you. You may be beautiful now, but there's ugliness in your heart. Brett's noisy and bossy and too attached to the spotlight and even she's prettier than you!”

Her hand wailed across Richard's face so hard, even the trolls stepped back. “Don't you ever refer to that bitch of a stepdaughter of mine again,” she hissed. “I'll return to you when you're in a more amiable mood.”

It was the same thing for nearly a week. Malade sent her trolls to feed Charles, then tried to flirt with Richard after they left...and every day, he turned down her proposal and ignored her advances. Brett cooked all kinds of rich delicacies, but was only allowed to eat crab shells.

“We have to get out of here soon,” Brett told Charles as she brought him his breakfast one morning. “I know Malade's planning something. I've heard her talking about some potion she's working on, and she needs my powers for it.”

Richard pushed his plate of chicken dumplings aside. “I'm not hungry anymore. Why would she want you? What's so special about your magic?”

“Malade thinks if she can take my beauty, she'll be able to drain my powers.” She turned even whiter than usual at the thought. “If she has all of the powers of the Legendary Princesses, she'll be able to corrupt them, and in turn, destroy all that's good in the kingdoms.”

“We won't let that happen.” Charles took her hand. “Brett, we've only been eating enough to keep us alive. I'm not about to let her make me into lunch for those walking garbage disposals.”

“Shh!” Even as she spoke, two trolls stomped into the yard, their feet causing the ground to shake and the gumdrops to wiggle. “Here they come! Stall for time while I deal with Malade. They're blind as bats and about as smart as those gumdrops. You'll be able to figure something out.”

“What you doing?” The most massive and hairiest of the trolls pushed Brett towards the back door. “We feed four-eye music man, not grown-up lady!” It snatched the tray and shoved it in Charles' cage. “Show us your finger! See if you fat! If you fat, we eat you!”

“I'm not fat! See?” Charles stuck a chicken bone between the bars. “No fat. Guess you'll have to let me go.”

The first troll grabbed the leg and felt it, then the other. “Awww!” the first whined. “I want lunch today! Queenie promised us a nice, juicy human lunch!”

“What's this all about?” Malade snapped as she stumbled over in her fine brown velvet gown. “Stepdaughter, why are the trolls standing with their faces hanging open?”

Brett raised an eyebrow. “I thought they always looked like that.”

The meatiest troll shoved the bone at her. “He isn't fat! We can't eat him! We want our lunch, and we want it now!”

“You'll get your lunch!” Malade shoved Brett out of the kitchen. “Snow White, you lazy little wretch, I want you to climb into the clay oven and make sure the fire's hot. When it's stoked enough, I'll roast that good-for-nothing minstrel into a gingerbread cookie for my trolls, no matter how big he is.”

Brett wrinkled her nose. “I'm not much good at tending fires. Not in my job description. Besides, the flames absolutely ruin my complexion.”

“Oh, stop being a baby. Even I can do it!” Malade flung the heavy door of the oven open, crawling through the black smoke it belched. “See? It's not that hard.”

The second she'd climbed all the way in, Brett flung the door closed. “Then you can stay in there, since you're such a big fan of fire!”

“I never thought I'd say this about you, Brett,” Charles laughed, “but that was brilliant.”

Keys dangled from a silver ring between her two fingers. “Thanks. I snitched these off her when I gave her that sob story about my complexion.” As soon as the two men were released from their prisons, she quickly unlocked the cuffs on her wrists. “Now that I can do this,” her hand slapped on a tree, “let's grab your things and get the hell out of here!”

“Here you go, lad.” Richard emerged with his bow and quiver and Charles' lute, just ducking the arms of one of Malade's trolls. Two others chopped at the clay oven with an ax in an attempt to free her.

One of the trees wound its limbs around a troll who tried yanking his arm and sprinkling salt on it. “Thanks, Brett! I taste terrible with salt. Little paprika might be better.”

Even as Brett threw off a smaller troll grabbing at her waist, the clay oven belched acrid smoke, then suddenly blasted apart! “You little bitch!” Malade screeched as she emerged from the rubble. “Look at what you did!” Tattered shreds of lace and satin hung limply off her blackened shoulders. Half her face was still porcelain, an untouched doll. The other side resembled a doll thrown into a fire, her hair singed and her cheeks melted.

“You'll pay for this atrocity! You'll pay dearly!” Long strands of silken ribbon all colors of the rainbow twined around her fingers. “I've wanted to give you this gift for a long time.” She wrapped the ribbons as tightly as possible around Brett's throat. “With your last breath, dear stepdaughter, you will give me every last drop of that aging beauty of yours!”

“No!” Richard slammed the bow across her shoulders with a wild cry. “Don't even try, Malade!”

“Are you ok?” Charles asked her as he untangled the ribbons from her neck. She took great heaving breaths of oxygen as she clung to his arm.

“Ask me...when I can breathe again...” she gasped as she very nearly hacked up a lung. “Come on...we'll find our own way through the woods...”

Richard climbed into the driver's seat of a purple carriage with silver leaf trim pulled by two black chargers. “We'll borrow Malade's ride. She doesn't need it at the moment, and those sleek stallions and the silver leaf will fetch a pretty penny at market.” The other two no sooner jumped in the back than he pulled on the reigns, and they were on their way. As soon as he got to the nearest road, he let the horses break into a fast trot, leaving the gingerbread house and the woods far behind.

Fairy Tale Blank, Part 12

The carriage pulled into the stables at Lear Castle in the Kingdom of Columbia Eye late that evening, under a great cloud of pouring rain. “Boss!” Nipsey rushed out to greet them, the rain dripping off his rich dark skin. Bill followed, shaking the water off his fur and soaking everybody. “Where have you been? We were this close to sending the military to look for you.”

Richard leaped off the driver's seat and embraced his friend. “We had some trouble in the scrub woods outside of Columbia Eye, but we're all right now.”

Charles helped Brett out. “We could use a bath and a hot meal, though. But nothing too rich. And no candy!”

“Don't ask about the candy. It's a long story,” Brett warned with a sigh. “We need to talk to Gene and Queen Isobel as quickly as possible. Queen Malade's out for blood. She's trying to take control of every kingdom. We have to find the other three Legendary Princesses.”

The rain was coming down in great, heaving buckets when they all dashed back to main castle entrance. “Yeoww!” Bill whimpered as thunder blared in the inky-black sky. “I think Mother Nature is out to get us!”

“Stop being a scaredy wolf.” Brett rolled her eyes. “It's just a little rain and noise.”

Of course, as soon as she said this, a noisier blast sent her leaping into Charles' arms. He smirked. “Who's the scaredy wolf now?”

Brett rolled her eyes and smacked his arm lightly. “It just surprised me, that's all. Come on. Let's get inside, before we end up soaked again.”

The gates were still open when they made it into the front door of the largest building. “Whew!” Richard panted. “We're lucky we didn't get fried. We could have been lightning rods out there.” As he looked up, he noticed Nipsey peering over his shoulder. “What is it, mate? Some poor animal caught in the storm?”

“No.” Nipsey grabbed a tapestry hanging on the wall and the rope that held it there. “I swear I saw someone swimming the moat.”

“What?” Brett wrinkled her nose. “On a night light this?”

Charles frowned. “Maybe you saw a fish.”

“No, he's right.” Lightning sizzled across the sky as Richard tugged another tapestry and rope over his head. “He's going to need help.”

As it turned out, the person in the moat didn't need help, from them or anyone. They'd already dragged themselves onto the muddy bank when the two men arrived. “Well, hello there,” the woman puffed. “You boys my welcoming committee?”

Nipsey blinked. Richard put out a hand. “You might say that, lass. I'm...er, Richard. This is Nipsey. What's your name?”

“Della.” She accepted his hand...and had such a strong grip that he almost landed in the moat! “Sorry about that. Sometimes, I don't know what this strength of mine will do.”

Nipsey grabbed Richard's collar before he took a dive. “Watch out, boss. You don't want to go in there. Might be crocodiles.” He then grinned and took Della's arm. “How would the prettiest lady in Columbia Eye like an escort into the castle? I could even introduce you to my cousin, Queen Isobel.”

She chuckled and fluttered her eyelashes, trying to look coy. “Oh, would you?”

“Well, right now, we'd best get out of the rain, before we all end up as sodden as poor Della.” Richard held the dripping tapestry over their heads. “Last one in the castle is a wet carp!”

While not as sprawling as Password Palace, Lear Castle was quite impressive. It was also drafty. They strolled down five hallways with thick carpeting and heavy drapes that still somehow managed to move in stormy breezes. They had a hard time keeping up with Nipsey and his new lady friend. His stride was long and powerful. She wasn't as tall as him, but she moved quickly and gracefully for a woman of her size.

“Mistress...” Charles began, but she cut him off with a bark of laughter that shook the portraits of the royal family's ancestors hanging up on the walls.

“Oh honey, you can call me Della. I don't go in for all that formal talk.” She lead the others down the hallway, carpeted in soft gold and red Oriental rugs. “I must to talk to Queen Isobel. That's why I'm here. The lightning spooked my horse, and he threw me. I had to walk the rest of the way, then take a dip in the small lake back there to get in!”

The throne room was intimate and boxy, with just two velvet gold-leaf chairs and more portraits. A well-built older woman, with sable skin and flashing dark eyes, reclined on the smaller of the two. Gene chatted with her on the other. “Cousin Isobel,” Nipsey said with a grin, “it's nice to see you again. Been a long time since I came around these parts. Place hasn't changed much.”

“No, it hasn't. And we intend to keep it that way.” Isobel gave him a huge hug first, then smirked at the wizard beside her. “Gene, you old charmer. How are you? Looking as good as always.”

“Not half as good as you, Your Majesty.” Gene bowed and kissed her hand. “I'm afraid my friends and I are here on a mission. We were hoping to gain your support against Malade.”

Isobel yanked her hand away and glared at him. “I knew there was a reason you were trying to be cute. Nothing doing. We heard what happened to Nerdocrumbesia and the Summerlands when they were invaded. I don't want that man-stealin' witch to come over here, too.”

“But Cuz,” Nipsey started, “if we all work together...”

“Forget it.” Isobel shook her head so hard, her tiara almost flew off. “There's no way I'm risking our people against her. I've heard what she can do.”

“I don't blame you, Your Majesty.” Bill emerged from behind Gene, trembling like a leaf. “Look at what she did to me! I used to be a man, until she...” His throat suddenly closed as he tried to get the words out. “She...st...stole...my...” The last words came out as helpless whines.

Isobel petted Bill's head. “See what I mean? I don't want to end up in a fur coat my suitors didn't buy.”

“That won't happen,” Della assured her. “I've come from the Kingdom of the Peacock to offer my services and that of our army.”

Nipsey's dark eyes widened as he stared at her. “You're a princess?”

“You're the Legendary Princess of Strength.” Brett gave a grin of her own. “I've heard of you. Your Majesty,” she went on to Isobel, “I know about Legendary Princesses. I'm one myself. Lying's not in our vocabulary.”

“Except about her age,” Charles muttered. Brett elbowed him and nodded at Isobel. This was no time for insults. They had to make a good impression on the queen.

“Snowy, I know who you are. I know what happened with your stepmother.” She raised an eyebrow at Della. “I'm not sure about the other two. You don't look like a princess to me, and neither does the redhead and her buddy who are making goo-goo eyes at each other in my parlor.”

Della put her hands on her hips and made a face. “There has to be some way we can prove to you that we're all on the level. If we don't put our heads together, and soon, we're going to be up to our ears in smelly dumb trolls.”

“There is something.” Isobel looked up with a small smirk. “It's been a long time since anyone's had to do anything like this. A princess test.”

Della's voice squeaked slightly. “A what?”

“A test?” Gene made a face. “Isobel, what does she need a test for? She only swam the moat to get here! How much more dedication do you want?”

“That doesn't sound like princess behavior to me!” Isobel lifted her long lace and silk skirts and filigree wrap and lead them down the hall. “Princesses are some of the most delicate and sensitive beings on the planet. They're so sensitive, they can feel a single lump in a mattress.”

“So give me a lumpy mattress!” Della shoved her bulk into the queen's face. “I'll feel it. My mattress at home is so smooth, you could bounce a skipping stone off it. Of course, it's also pretty strong. I'm not a small woman.”

“You and the other princess, the big-eyed redhead who doesn't talk, are going to sleep in here tonight.” The queen brought them into a massive bedroom. “This is your bed. Or beds, as the case may be.” A huge bed piled high with twenty downy mattresses dominated the room. The mattresses were so fluffy and thick, they nearly hit the ceiling!

Della tugged at the ladder leading up to the top mattress. “This doesn't seem that sturdy. Can it hold my weight and the other woman's for twenty mattresses?”

“I agree.” Nipsey made a face. “I don't like this. What if they roll off the bed and kill themselves? There's no railings or anything up there.”

Isobel nodded thoughtfully. “I was going to post guards at the door to make sure the ladies stay in and no one bothers them. You can keep an eye on them and put more mattresses around the perimeter, just in case they do fall. Keep the dog with you. He'll make a dandy alarm if anyone tries anything.”

“I'll help, too.” Charles shrugged. “I can sing them to sleep.”

“The rest of us will stay with Isobel.” Gene murmured in Charles' ear. “You three keep an eye on the ladies. We'll keep talking to Isobel and see if we can get anywhere with her. We need her army if we're going to deal with Malade.”

That night, Nipsey and Charles helped Della and Patti up the ladder to the very, very tall mattresses. Isobel held the ladder herself before quickly adding something tiny and round under the mattress on the bottom. It was so tiny, Charles thought he imagined it.

He told Nipsey about it when they were standing in the quiet, empty hall, Bill standing at attention between them. “Why would Cuz do that?”

“That's the test.” Charles softly strummed the lute. “That's what they're supposed to feel.”

“But under 20 mattresses?” The larger man leaned against the wall. “I don't get all of this, anyway. All of this magic. All I know is, Della's one heck of a lady.”

Bill howled softly with a wolfish grin. “I think you like her! Go kiss her or something. Maybe you'll wake her up and marry her!”

“Whoa! Down boy!” Nipsey threw up his hands. “Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'll kiss her, sure. When I'm ready, and she's ready, and we've gotten to know each other better. Couple of letters, couple of jokes, maybe a little arm wrestling, a night on the town. Maybe I'll send her a few joke books. I like a woman with a sense of humor.”

Bill nodded. “I almost...well, I was writing a girl named Beauty. When I was human, anyway. We wrote each other back and forth for two years. Her writing was wonderful. Charming, witty, smart...I always looked forward to getting her letters. It got to the point where I finally asked her for a date, and she said yes, and I was going to ask her to marry me, but...” He stared morosely at the floor. “Then Malade invaded, and she...well, she did this to me. I never went on that date, or got to propose. Bet Beauty hates me now. She probably thinks I stood her up.”

Charles got on his knees and put an arm around him. “I'll bet she doesn't. If someone really loves you, they'll understand it wasn't your fault.”

“I don't even know what she looks like, and she never saw me,” the canine wailed. “But I could feel something, even from her writing. I knew she was the one. I just knew. But Malade...”

Nipsey rubbed his back. “Don't worry, old timer. We'll find you a good woman to change you back. You ain't gonna stay fuzzy forever.”

“You think they're asleep by now?” Charles yawned. “Maybe we'd better get some shut-eye, too. Just for a little while.” He reached over and stroked Bill again...and heard a great snore. The wolf had curled up in a ball, sound asleep.

“Well, it don't seem to hurt him none,” Nipsey noted with a soft chuckle. “I don't think a few minutes would hurt.” Broad shoulders leaned back against the stone wall.

“Yeah.” The minstrel settled on the floor, his eyes already half-closed. “Night, Nipsey. Night...Bill...”

He lay his head on Bill's back and dropped into a deep sleep.

When his eyes fluttered open again, he had a crick in his neck, a stiff spine, and dog breath in his nose. “Hey there, buddy! Come on!” Bill's rough pink tongue slurped his cheeks. “We have to check in on the ladies. What if someone tried to make off with them in the middle of the night?”

Nipsey yawned so wide, Charles was sure his mouth would dislocate. “Yeah. Gotta see if they slept better than we did. My neck's killin' me.”

Sunlight fluttered over the towering stack of mattresses as Charles timidly opened the door. “Ladies? Are you all right?”

“They're probably still out.” Nipsey went right to the ladder. “I don't think anyone would complain if we made sure they were sleeping.” He shimmied up the rungs before Charles could stop him.

He could hear Nipsey heaving when he finally made it to the top. “I thought...I was...in good shape...guess I need...to climb more ladders...”

“Well?” Charles called as he grasped the ladder, making sure his friend didn't fall off. “Are they out?”

There was a gasp from the mattress as Nipsey rolled on it. A lump on the other end tossed and turned. “You're gorgeous, Della.” She lay under a knitted cotton blanket on one end, her rosy face sweet and placid. “No princess could be as beautiful, nor strong in heart and body, as you. No heart could love so hard and so true.” Bill and Charles sighed romantically as Nipsey leaned over for a long, deep kiss. Charles pulled out his lute and softly played a gentle love song.

It wasn't that long. He'd only touched her lips for a second before she smiled and got on one elbow. “Did you really mean that? I mean, I didn't come here to fall in love, but you're not hard on the eyes, and I never heard anyone who could come up with love poetry on the spot like that.”

“Well, you're not bad-looking, either.” He sat on the side, letting his long thick legs dangle over the edge of the bedding. “I don't know why Cuz doesn't believe you. I think you're a princess. You n' the redhead n' Mistress Brett look more like royalty than some fragile flower would.”

“Thanks.” She sighed. “Have you had as much trouble as I did sleeping?” Her foot nudged the lump at the foot of the bed. “This one didn't sleep, either. Come on, hon. You can get up now.”

“Patti?” Donald called. “I was hoping we could have breakfast together...” He nearly ran into the mattress, cigar and all, before his gaze rolled to the top. “Uh...isn't that kind of high to sleep in, hon?” A pale hand waved over the edge of the mattress before disappearing under the blanket. “Need help getting down?” The hand waved quickly in what looked like the closest thing a hand could get to “no.”

Nipsey peered over the side. “I'll help them down, Don. Don't worry. You'll have your mermaid there in time to share apple pancakes with her.” He slowly put an arm around Della. “You know...it's kind of comfy up here.” He flopped on the mattress, frowning. “I don't feel anything. In fact, I may not leave.”

“Then you sleep up here.” Della started down the ladder. “I'm going to breakfast, and I need to talk to Isobel. I'm covered in bruises.” She tugged at Patti's ankle. “You coming, or what? Your boyfriend's down there. I think he expects to eat with you.” The redheaded former mermaid finally poked her head from under the blanket, cracked open her bleary blue eyes, and followed Della and Nipsey down the ladder.

“Wait.” Della stopped after she got off. “Before I get dressed, there's something I want to check out. Felt a little...thing...down there.” To everyone's shock, she lifted nineteen of the twenty mattresses as easily as if they were feathers. “Aha!” Her fist closed over a tiny object. “I knew it! So that's the 'test.'” She took Nipsey's arm. “How about we go get dressed now? I need to have a chat with your cousin.”

They met Richard, Brett, Gene, and Isobel at the polished oak table in the main dining room. It was so long, it ran the entire length of the room. Gene argued with Isobel, who resided at the head of the table, as they spread their butter over toasty muffins. Richard occasionally put in his own comments between bites of pancakes dripping with juicy apples, and Brett sometimes added her own perspective.

“Good morning, ladies.” Isobel looked up as Della and Patti entered with Nipsey and Donald on their arms. Charles brought up the rear. Bill settled in a corner, enjoying chopped ham and cheese. “Sleep well?”

Della made a face as she dropped in the chair between Brett and Nipsey. “Sleep? What's that? I tossed and turned all night. Every time I closed my eyes, I kept feeling it.”

“It?” Isobel raised an eyebrow and tried to look innocent. “What do you mean by 'it'?”

“This little lump in the mattress.” Della bit into a muffin, smacking her lips before continuing. “I couldn't get away from it. I'm probably black and blue now.”

Donald turned to Patti, who stared at her pancakes like she'd never seen them before. “What about you, honey?” Her response was to fall face-first into her plate of food. “Um, sorry about that.” He rubbed her back as she somehow managed to silently snore. “I don't think she slept last night, either.”

“Good.” Isobel handed Della the marmalade. “That was my intention. You passed the test.”

“Of course she did.” Brett rolled her eyes. “I tried to tell you from the start she's a real princess! I can spot a Legendary Princess from a mile away.” Patti jolted awake, dazedly wiping honey off her cheek.

“Wait. Test?” Della's hand went under the pad on Isobel's chair. “You mean this test?”

“Yes.” Isobel's eyes widened as she moved around in her chair. “I'm sorry, but I just can't get comfortable! This little lump keeps following me...” She tried a few small hops...which dislodged a tiny green speck onto the stone floor.

“A pea.” Della held up the pale green ball. “I found it before we left the room. I knew there was something under the bed last night, so I moved a few mattresses and stuck my hand under there.”

“You...moved twenty mattresses?” Isobel pushed her plate aside to stare at the woman. “How did you do that?”

“Nineteen, actually. And I did it like this.” She easily hoisted Isobel's chair into the air, holding it on the tip of her pinky finger. “Now do you believe me?”

Nipsey smirked as the others chuckled or gasped. “Hon, you don't need to show off like that.”

“Ok, ok!” The queen clutched the seat of her chair, her eyes wide. “I believe you! Put me down!”

Brett shook her head as Della roughly dropped the queen on the stone floor. “Isobel, we can't do this alone. Malade has every guard in Nerdocrumbesia at her disposal, not to mention hundreds of trolls and demons. Us princesses can handle her, but we're going to need help dealing with her armies.”

Isobel frowned. “I'd like to help. I don't want Malade coming here, but I heard what happened in the Summerlands. They border Columbia Eye. Malade blasted through Summer-Winter Castle and made everyone in the place just...vanish. Disappear. No one knows what happened to Prince William, the ruler of the kingdom. We think she either killed him, or he's rotting in her dungeons.”

“No!” Bill looked up from slurping chopped bacon and beef bits off a gold-rimmed plate. “He's...I know...she...h...he...”

Charles dropped his fork and knelt down next to Bill's food dish. “What is it, boy? What do you know about Prince William? You look terrified. More than usual.”

Bill opened his mouth to explain, but it came out as a wolf's howl. He finally returned to his breakfast, whimpering between bites. Charles settled for giving him a scratch between the ears.

“Look, we could argue this all year.” Della stepped up to Isobel, shoving her chest in her face. “You can help us, or get invaded anyway.”

Nipsey took her hand. “Cuz, we're all in this together. Just like me n' my boss Rich here, n' our boys. We work together to help everybody. If you don't do this, Malade will probably end up invadin' whether you like it or not. She's close to our turf.”

Patti nodded as she finished a muffin. She puckered her lips for a hopeful kiss...and looked a big disappointed when all she got was a big smooch on the cheek from Donald before he returned to his pancakes.

“Look, I think we ought to split up again,” Gene insisted as he pushed his breakfast plate aside. “Brett, Richard, Charles, Bill and I will continue to search the kingdoms for the remaining two Legendary Princesses. Even if they don't have armies of their own, they'll at least have powers to bring to the table, and may have some new ideas of how to deal with Malade.”

Della nodded. “Good idea. The rest of us will hit Andersen Bay and see what we can do about forming that army.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“You sure you don't want a fancier rig?” Nipsey helped Charles hitch a horse to the small wooden carriage in the stables later that morning. “Cuz would probably be willin' to loan you anythin' in the stables, and they're all more comfortable than this.”

“We don't need to attract attention," Gene explained as he climbed into the driver's seat. “From here on out, we're ordinary travelers.” He'd traded his orange and blue robes for a simple blue tunic and hose with a well-tailored but not especially fancy gray coat. “I have an old friend named Bill Cullen who lives in a little village called Villenveuve. It's not far from here, on the border of the Summerlands and Columbia Eye.”

Brett gave Patti a hug. “Watch out for Malade.” She frowned as the young woman's fingers flew. “Don't worry. Donald's kind of nuts, but he loves you. I can tell. I don't think he'll have any problems kissing you before the week is out. The way he's been looking at you, he may want to make love before the day is out!”

Donald helped Richard load their supplies, including his bow and a fresh pack of arrows and the lute, onto the back of the carriage. “I'm sure gonna miss you, Boss.” Donald patted his shoulder, smoke wafting from a new cigar. “It's been a trip.”

“I will too, Donald, but these folks need you here. Patti needs you here.” He leaned over and whispered into his ear. “Patti's a little odd, but she's wild about you. See if you can get her alone for a kiss. You might be surprised at what you find.”

Hearts lit up Donald's eyes as he watched Patti grin at some dirty joke of Brett's. “You know...maybe I will.”

“All right, folks.” Della helped Bill into the carriage, handing them a container of meat scraps for his food. “You just follow the Beaumont River, then when you hit the fork in the road, take the left side to Villenveuve. I wish all of you the best of luck!”

Gene shook her hand as Richard climbed in beside him and Charles got into the coach with Brett. “And I wish you luck in convincing Isobel how important it is to help.”

“Oh, don't worry about me.” Nipsey put an arm around her, and she turned a million-watt smile on him. “I have all this help here. Shouldn't take too long.”

Gene shook the reins. “Tell Isobel we thank her for her hospitality and for taking us in. She's helped us more than she could ever know.” The two couples followed the carriage over the moat, waving until it could no longer be seen on the horizon.